A Mother's Heart

We're LIVE!!

2006-07-09T21:07:00.000-04:00

The new site is up and running--I'm going to leave this site up for another 3 or 4 months as a reminder, but no more posts will be put up here. ;)

Read the latest posts from A Mother's Heart here . You can sign up to read the posts in your email or by RSS syndicate with your choice of aggregator/readers. :)

See you there! :)

Site is MOVING!!

2006-07-06T21:19:00.000-04:00

To quote a line from "Madagascar,"
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
You like to ... MOVE IT!

Yep, that's right...this blog is MOVING! Go to http://www.mamasheartblog.com for a complete update and the new home of 'a mother's heart'--it's up, but is still undergoing tweaking as I learn this new format. ;)

See you there! :)

Dividing Mothers....Again

2006-07-02T12:19:00.000-04:00

Recently, someone on a parenting discussion board posted a link to an article about motherhood and breastfeeding. Ordinarily, this would not be news. But the point of the article seemed to be to try to divide mothers and set them against each other, yet again. So the rest of this post will make sense, I'll post the link here. So go read it now and then come back.

Okay, now you're back. My first response to this article was quite sarcastic--something along the lines of "I can hardly wait for the bashing of mothers to begin....NOT!" I was challenged by the original poster about my views on mothering and breastfeeding, and I wanted to state my views here as well. After all, it is *my* blog, right? ;)

Let me start off by saying that I do believe breastmilk is the best of all possible foods for babies, and I do believe it is optimum for mother and child to start their lives together this way. But let's face it, optimum isn't always plausible. And I don't believe that because a mother may make the best possible decision for her family and her health (and it may not include breastfeeding) that she should be scorned, ridiculed, or made to feel guilty or inferior for that decision. I'll also remind readers that I'm coming all this and all topics from a Christian worldview, and that the list on which this topic was broached is also a Christian forum. That said, here's my take on it.

Yes, breastfeeding is optimum. But so is a sinless existence in the Garden of Eden. *That* was shot to you-know-where with Adam & Eve's sin and only through the *grace* of God we are able to achieve that optimum level of living on the other side of this earthly life through Jesus' sacrifice. So talk of 'optimum' and 'best' pales when we consider what God's optimum and best was for us and how we don't have it. 'Optimum' in my world would be a sin-free and perfect existence, not just mothers breastfeeding for at least 6 months.

While God did indeed design women to breastfeed, there are some women who will never lactate even once--be it because of surgery to treat breast cancer, the fact that they've never given birth, or that they became a mother through some other means (adoption jumps to mind). Does this make their motherhood less than optimum? I would say no.

Our job as parents is to raise healthy children who (in the Christian worldview) learn to love God and live their lives for Him. Breastfeeding is not required for that. And to those who choose to condemn others who cannot maintain a milk supply or who are unable to breastfeed or who simply are not comfortable with that function of their bodies (this usually centers around some type of previous sexual abuse; I had a friend like this) and choose to feed with formula, I assert that they are GOOD mothers who are making the BEST choice they can for their families at that intersection of time and circumstances. Babies are *hungry* and they need *food*. Does it *really matter* what food they are fed, as long as it is nourishing their tiny bodies and they are growing?

I went through a situation when our son was newly weaned (after 6.5 mos of age) with a friend who just had her 4th child. She struggled with nursing--mostly because her body overproduced hormones related to letdown and milk production and when she nursed, she literally felt as if the world was coming to an end. She was also exceedingly tired and trying to care for the rest of her family and feeling as though she just couldn't do it all at the same time. She called me in tears one afternoon, wanting to talk about nursing. She was hormonal and struggling with condemnation, but she honestly felt as though she couldn't nurse her infant even one more time. My heart broke for her and as we talked, I assured her that her baby would be fine via formula and she *wasn't* a bad mom. We conversed about what parents did before the days of formula--the answers were wet nurses (if they were wealthy) or they used cow's or goat's milk. And infant mortality rates showed the poor options they had and the poor nutrition and medicine available to them.

Instead of condemning those who choose to feed their babies with formula, I *praise God for formula*--because it means that God has allowed our scientific knowledge to increase to a point where we can mimic breastmilk and feed our babies a healthy substitute that allows them to grow and not risk their lives.

For those reasons, I believe *grace* is required here--grace for those who choose differently than we do. That, and a *gratitude* for the understanding we now have how to make nutritious substitutes for what is considered the gold-standard of infant-feeding. I truly resent the opportunity that others with agendas take to politicize something as netural as how a baby is fed and tries to divide mothers and pit them against each other once again. The conception and birth of a child is a wonderful thing and should be celebrated. There shouldn't be anything that condemns a new mother who is trying to do the best she can for her baby and her health, and that includes someone else's political agenda.

In Our Midst

2006-06-28T15:23:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend I met one of the speakers and had a few moments to talk to him personally. I detected that he might be a believer and I was right. I love 'faith radar'. :) Anyhow, in the time I had to bend his ear, he put me on to his wife's ministry site. I immediately went to it and sat in the conference, reading about this ministry...and crying.

It's not like there weren't 100+ people around me and I could be covert in my emotional response, but I really didn't care. The Spirit's touch on this site and this ministry is so very evident.

Before you hop over there, let me tell you that I resonate much of what you will read. The Church as a whole has done a poor job (IMO) of bringing healing to victims of abortion and other sexual sins--in effect, we create a second victimization for these people. Yes, I know the argument that these victims have "chosen" this path, but I believe this sentiment lacks compassion and love--the very things that Jesus modeled and commanded us to have. When we consider all the factors that go in to the decision to abort a child or the circumstances in which sexual sins are committed, we step in to the place of those who are in an impossible situation and can't seem to see Hope or a way out and we leave judgmentalism behind. Not to mention that many sexual sins which affect people aren't always the fault of those suffering from them--there is a ripple effect from all sin, and oftentimes there are innocent victims who do not receive appropriate support or healing inside the Church.

Sometimes this lack of healing and condemnation that victims receive comes from an inability to be honest and a discomfort with personal issues. What's a shame is that we don't seem to desire to overcome our dishonesty and discomfort and we let others believe they are alone and unique in their suffering. When we do this, we express a message that damages more than the people who need Jesus' love and healing, we damage those who watch and observe and learn tacitly, as well. Our children watch, listen, and learn--by what we say and do, and by what we don't say and don't do. So the opportunity to perpetuate our discomfort and dishonesty manifests itself to the next generation. And the love of Jesus goes unspoken in these situations.

So now that you have my mini-sermon on showing compassion and understanding to those who have sinned (and which one of us hasn't?), go visit In Our Midst. I think you'll be touched and amazed and hopefully, your eyes will be opened to another side of the abortion-issue. And with those open eyes, may you see the victims who are the walking-wounded of this hot-topic with the compassion and love that Jesus does.

Home Again

2006-06-27T11:21:00.000-04:00

Tired does not even begin to describe how I feel right now. Exhausted comes closer, but not even that does it justice. :0 I am road-weary and brain-dead, and want to sleep for the next 3 days straight.

But that ain't gonna happen, eh? ;) I am so very glad to be home--I missed my boys and there's only so long I can sleep on a rock-hard hotel bed and pretend that I've had a good night's sleep and that I'm rested.

The drive back yesterday was interminable. Lisa & I had a great time to talk and we took advantage of it, but we sat for an hour in PA turnpike (out of Philly) traffic and drove 5 miles in that hour. :( And then the rain I encountered had us driving at 20mph at some points--we didn't see sun until we were half-way through KY and nearing Fayette county. :0 And at that point, it was nearly time for sunSET! :0

We made a stop yesterday on the turnpike for fuel (which oddly enough, was actually cheaper than in Philly itself) and glory be! I found a Starbucks there. !!! They had brewed my favourite java, almost like it was a divine appointment. ;) I got a venti decaf Verona and capped it off with cream and equal. Despite the fact that it was decaf, I didn't care. I hadn't had coffee in 5 days at that point, and I just wanted the flavour. Bizarre as it is, just managing to get what I was after (good coffee) did me a WORLD of good and buoyed my spirits like few other things have. I guess it was therapeutic.

Anyhow, I have tons of work to do today around the house, so no more time lollygagging and blogging. Off to vacuuming and making lunch! :)

WaKe uP!!

2006-06-26T07:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, so we're almost out of the hotel and on our way home. In the interest of getting home sooner, we're skipping the networking breakfast and this will put us home after dark. I think the Samsonites under my eyes have their own little bags to carry, though--I'm one whupped puppy. :| And I'm driving the whole 12 hours home. :| :|

But I realized that although I haven't had good coffee in 5 days, I've not been dragging like I normally would. I picked up a little box of "Morning Spark" before I left (on a whim, mostly), which is a caffeinated "stick" of drink mix. It's sugarless and fruit flavoured and I thought, "Eh...can't hurt!"

Boy! It doesn't hurt--it HELPED!! :) I am so impressed with this stuff that I wanted to take an uncharacteristic moment and plug it publically. I LOVE this stuff! I have no idea how much caffeine is in it, but it seems to be equivalent to about 2 cups of coffee, based on my 'alert-factor'. And since conferences run on little sleep and lots of speakers (and warm rooms, which after lunch cause 'jello-neck head-bobbing' to take place), my 'alert-factor' was important. :)

Anyhow, I know Wallyworld sells it for about $2 a box, and you'd better believe I'm going to buy some more, just to keep on hand. :) If you want more info, you can find it here.

Now I'm off to finish packing the suitcase and getting the out of Philly. :) I never thought I'd welcome the site of the PA turnpike, but guess what...?

Dreamin' Big

2006-06-24T11:16:00.000-04:00

I'm at a conference in Philadelphia right now and listening to people talk about networking (so very NOT my personality--talking to people I don't know?!), how to build your business, and how to succeed with different coaches, mentors, etc. Yesterday was a bit of a bust (I actually got quite a bit of knitting done....), but this morning's speakers are wonderful! :) And it's fun to dream big about all of this stuff.

I've met some incredibly interesting people and hope to continue to build relationships with them. The most interesting thing to me is that this whole thing (building your business, expanding, etc.) focuses on the RELATIONSHIP. Everything that is successful online these days is about relationship. People *crave* this and they'll do whatever they can in our fractured world and society to meet the need they have to be in relationships with others.

Now to segue this to my line of thinking: you know that I'm a Believer and that I think the best way to reach people with God's love is through relationship. Yes, relationships are messy--people are messy! But we are created for relationship--with each other and with God.

It just strikes me as somewhat ironic that I'm in this business conference and yet it's reinforcing everything I know and think about life and ministry. It's all about the relationship.

So now it's about time for lunch--there'll be some schmoozing and talking, but hopefully, some real relationships will be forged here and people's felt needs and unfelt needs will be met. And I'll continue to shine brightly as these relationships are built. :)

A Disillusioned Volunteer

2006-06-01T13:12:00.000-04:00

I've not delved in to politics in this blog so far, as there are simply too many politico-blogs out there and quite frankly, I'm not trying to do the same thing here.

But please indulge me for a few paragraphs while I mull over my discontent.

I am a woman who has strong political leanings and believes passionately in her leanings. I am also a woman who will do whatever is necessary to see her political beliefs get a fair shake in the marketplace (read: real world). I've manned phones, I've rallied. I've called potential voters until I was hoarse, I've cooked for/baked for/hostessed political events. I've painted posters, I've walked neighborhoods. I've combed over voter logs and spent countless hours in the last several years to see that certain candidates had the opportunity to show that good leadership can make a difference to the lives of average joes like me.

Apparently, that's been all for naught.

Today I heard what I consider to be the final nail in the coffin of a man that I helped elect. There have been scandals in the state government here, but in the majority of our minds, that was "the last leader's issues." Then there were rumours of scandals in *this* leader's administration. Then there were people claiming innocence, others pointing fingers, others having either temporary amnesia, Alzheimer's, senile dementia, ad infinitum--because they couldn't remember anything. Ad nauseum.

Now it's back to the same old 'dirty politics' that have been around in this area for eons. It's just a different political party than it used to be. Back-room negotiations, back-stabbing politicians, back-breaking politics for the average joes who have to foot the bill and then some for the shenanigans that go on over there.

Is THIS what I spent time, effort, and energy for? I certainly hope not.

It really makes me want to crawl in a hole and pretend that I can survive without political involvement. And maybe I can. But the reason I've acted on my principles is because I'm not satisfied with status-quo and I'm not content to leave a society that is worse for the wear for my children and grandchildren. At least, not without trying to make a difference for the better.

Apparently, with the current leadership, *that* is too much to ask. I'm quite sure that there are other government entities in different locales with the same (or similar) problems, and I'm quite sure that this is not a situation that is singular to Kentucky politics. But it won't be too soon when I can leave this behind and not feel intensely betrayed by those I helped to elect.

Happy Memorial Day!

2006-05-28T19:31:00.000-04:00

As we all check our grills in preparation to barbeque the latest hunk of bovine on them tomorrow, let's remember what this day is really about: thanking those among us who have served in our military and protected our rights with their valour and sometimes, with their lives.

I love the movie "The Patriot," despite the quantity of blood that spills during the telling of the story. I've let Brendan watch the non-bloody parts and have begun to explain little bits of our American history--as much as a 4 y/o can comprehend. Although the movie is a fictionalized account of real events, I find it amazingly instructional when it comes to explaining the passion and valour behind the men, women, and children who saw this country's birth and indeed walked through its labour pains.

Fast forward to today; we're entrenched in conflict in the Middle East and I have a friend who has enlisted in the Navy, due to ship out in September. She is well aware that she may be called on to defend our country in Iraq, but her words have stuck with me: "I consider it an honour to protect my family, friends, and nation in my service." I am so grateful for people like her who interrupt their lives (in the case of the Reserves) and who take up the mantle of protecting our freedoms.

I'm the daughter of a Marine and I have an intense appreciation for the military. Although I'm not cut out for that life, I think I have a fair understanding of what it means to be a military family and how they sacrifice in the course of their service. And I'm grateful for their sacrifices.

Last year when Brendan was 3 (and before he had a good grip on speaking), we were in a Chik-Fil-A restaurant with friends. He was captivated by 2 Army Reservists in the restaurant in uniform, and somehow, I knew what I had to do. Although my friends consider me to be outgoing, it's a real struggle for me to speak to people I don't know (if I know you, that's a different story). Regardless, I picked up my son and told him that we were going over to thank those 2 soldiers. And we did. I had no idea how much it would impact me emotionally to do that, though. I got my first few words out and my voice choked up and my eyes spilled over the tears that had welled there. I thanked them for their willingness to serve, to protect, and to defend--and to try to make our country safe again for our kids. It was indeed one of the most amazing things I've done--impacting me and how I look at life and take too many things for granted, including our safety and freedoms.

Thank God there are others who haven't taken those freedoms for granted and have been willing to defend them--even to the point of death. If you haven't shaken the hand of a serviceman or woman recently and thanked them, I encourage you to do so. You'll touch them with your gratitude, but more than that, you'll be touched in ways you don't expect.

So now that you've read my treatise on Memorial Day, go fire up those grills and barbeque those bovine chunks and patties. Enjoy your family and friends and thank God for the servicemen and women who have sacrificed to make this day a true holiday for all of us.

DaVinci & Us

2006-05-21T20:17:00.000-04:00

The DaVinci Code, as everyone who hasn't inhabited a cave in eastern Afghanistan knows by now, has been made in to a movie starring Tom Hanks (who purportedly sports some very funky hair in it). Tomorrow we'll be barraged by the blockbuster ticket 'take' and the opening-weekend numbers, and invariably, it will be compared to the previous week's 'blockbuster' numbers of MI:3. Whatever. What I am interested in, however, is the number of stories we will see, hear, or read in the next few weeks about how "religious" things are hot right now. As if ticket sales for a wildly-popular-book-into-movie is an accurate gauge of the country's spiritual temperature.

Or is it?

Maybe people *are* interested in this for more than just a thrilling read. And maybe they're interested in the movie for more than just Tom Hanks' latest role. Time will tell. What is apparent, however, is that the Christians of this country have an unparalleled opportunity to talk about Jesus to a population that wasn't all that interested in Him before the advent of this book/movie. And with accurate information (i.e., what is not in the book), we have the opportunity to convey the Message of God's Love like never before. I sincerely hope we don't flub this one and we use the time that has been given to us.

One thing that appears to be a lesson learned is to not boycott a movie like this. I think the fiasco that came about with Scorcese's The Last Temptation of Christ in the late 80s taught us well. That movie was destined for non-entity in the world of box-office ticket sales and artistic review--until a Christian community went up in arms and boycotted the dumb thing. All of a sudden it became something to see--if only to figure out what the uproar was about. I'm sure Scorcese was laughing all the way to bank on that one....

If you're looking for good information to share about the book or movie, check out this site The Truth About DaVinci . It's got great information and there's an amazing article by George Barna as well. Worth the time to look around and read, for sure.

~~~~~~~

Today was the final production of KidStuf for the '05-'06 season. It went very well--and was a huge amount of fun. Of course, "fun" used to describe less than it does now....now it says that I'm tired and sore after doing something enjoyable. ;) We had a great script to work with (lots of fun), a great group of actors who were willing to strut their stuff on a phony catwalk (as models in a Bridal Fashion Show, nonetheless!), and one overly-ambitious young woman who thought that a bunch of white, non-dancers could actually pull off a coordinated dance routine. ;)

We ended the production with "We Go Together" from Grease instead of our typical "So Long." It worked well (that was the complicated dance) and was a huge amount of fun (see the definition inclusions above), but it also felt very much like the last day of senior high school. Our cast is changing this summer as one member joins the Navy and Mark and I anticipate a transfer from the area....so it really had a bit of a maudlin feel to it. But books end and new books begin--and whoever the leadership ends up recruiting for these roles will do a great job, of that I'm certain. And it's certainly been a great run for Mark and me--I've been able to stretch my directorial wings and scratch my acting-bug at the same time, and Mark has done amazing things with pocket protectors and pink socks. ;)

And with that, I'm headed to bed. I'm pooped from all the "fun" today! ;)

The Ugly Side of Faith

2006-05-17T13:37:00.000-04:00

Most of you know of my faith-bent by this point; I'm evangelical and Christian by definition, but don't fit in to a typical mould or pigeonhole. My passion is for God and His amazing love, but also for those in our world who don't know His love--no matter what they look like or do. And while I share the beliefs of other evangelicals, I tend to err on the side of more compassion and grace than some--mostly because I understand what it means to be judged and condemned by those who consider themselves more 'holy' than I, but also because I understand the heart-cry of my fellow Gen-Xers and Gen Yers...for relationship and acceptance, regardless of the differences that might be between us.

And those differences can be great, but we are still united under the human condition and the fact that God passionately loves us and wants us to know and share His love. And I find it particularly hard to talk about His love in the midst of harsh judgment. That seat is for God alone, and I'm not Him (and aren't you glad!?).

That said, I've seen the ugly side of faith this week and it's left me a little more disconcerted than I've been before. In the name of God, people have been bashed and condemned. In the name of belief, individuals have been stomped on. And those individuals are some who simply have yet to come to faith in Him. All of which makes that sort of sharing particularly prickly--because it tends to put one on the defensive instead of the Love Offensive.

Don't misunderstand me here; right is right and wrong is wrong. Last month's KidStuf virtue was "Convicition," and we taught the kids a song about standing for what is right and calling right--right and wrong--wrong. But when we proclaim RIGHT at the expense of the very ones that Jesus died to save...well, something is WRONG about that. Similar in nature (but not execution necessarily) to the Crusades of the 11th century, I think. While the initial desire to uphold God's truth was admirable, the way they went about doing it was anything but. And we continue to live with the long-term repercussions of those bad decisions even today. But that's another post.

I have a heart-felt belief grounded in Scripture that Christians ought to be marked by love. Not the wishy-washy sort of love the world knows, but a supernatural love that sees beyond the "I'm right and I'm going to scream it at the top of my lungs and in your ears" and in to the long-range needs of an individual who doesn't yet understand the love that God has for them. This sort of love overlooks the opportunity to shout when you're right and does so with the intent and vision of casting kindness and a life preserver of Love out when the person needs it the most and wouldn't have otherwise permitted you to do so if you'd stomped on them earlier.

Okay, so it sounds poetic. And maybe it is. But the sentiment is still there and my heart aches for those who have been stomped on in my presence this week and who have the bruises to show for it. I wish I could apologize to them, even though I had nothing to do with it. But maybe I'll be permitted the opportunity to pick up the pieces with them and show them the gentle side of Jesus' love in the process.

I can only hope and pray.

Entering the 21st Century

2006-04-21T18:35:00.000-04:00

Well, I did it....I'm connected wirelessly to the 'net. :) I finally broke down and spent some hard-earned moolah on a laptop computer and hooked in to the wireless network in the house. Oddly enough, we've had an official wireless network for nearly a year, but no laptop. We hooked up the network for our Airport and iTunes and just didn't see a need for a portable computer. That is until I started writing more... and discovered that leaving our 4 year old son unattended in a room wasn't the best plan if we wanted to let him live to see the age of 5. :o

So I'm getting used to this and enjoying it tremendously. I'm using this mostly as a work-machine; I'm still sorting through email at the desktop and keeping the majority of things on the desktop and not this computer. But that's really the way I want it; this is a satellite around the main system. I didn't pop for a huge hard drive and figured that I could pay less for a thumb drive than I would for a larger hard drive and then simply swap things back and forth between the two machines.

Brendan, of course, is waaaaay more excited about this new piece of technology than he should be; I don't let him play on the computer much at all (an occasional "love note" to Daddy at work), so it's not like he knows what to do with this thing. But it doesn't keep him from wanting to *try*, that's for sure. ;) I imagine it will only be a scant number of years until he's teaching me things about the computer! ;)

~~~~~~

Well, it finally happened. And Mark missed it!

I took my nightly dose of cinnamon capsules and burped. Nothing unusual, except that it burned...like I had eaten a bunch of red-hots. :0 Anyhow, I breathed out my nose (a challenge these days with my allergies!) and saw something in front of my face. It struck me that this was a wrong thing to see fog at this time of year, and it certainly wan't cold enough for my breath to 'frost'. I realized in a moment what had happened: I had a cinnamon burp that produced a cloud of the stuff! So I joined the ranks of the initiated and Mark is even more determined than ever to see this strange event. I am not aiming for it again, as the burning sensation from the cinnamon was a little more than I wanted. But some slight discomfort for me has never stopped my husband before...and it probably won't stop him now. ;)

11 Years Ago Today....

2006-04-01T08:38:00.000-05:00

...at 7:00pm, EST, the bells of the Asbury College Chapel were pealing. And our pianist began to play Pachelbel's "Kanon in D" as our attendants started their walk down the aisle of Estes Chapel at Asbury Seminary. I was nervous and excited, and a little tearful, but kept it together as my dad whispered, "If you cry, you're going to make me cry!"

As I walked towards my soon-to-be husband, I welled up, but smiled so broadly as to make my cheeks keep the tears in my eyes. They were only tears of joy...that this day had finally arrived, after 22 months and 3 days of engagement. I remember much of the ceremony, even today--surrounded by friends and family, beautiful music ("All I Ask of You" from "The Phantom of the Opera," "The Lord's Prayer," and Gershwin's "Someone to Watch Over Me"), and most of all, the love of my life. We had no idea how things would turn out, but now, 11 years later, we're more committed to each other today than when we began.

A very wise great-aunt of mine told me at my bridal shower that we should "begin as you mean to end." I had to think about that for a while, but understood and understand now that if you intend to stay married for life, you should begin that way, too. And so we have.

This isn't to say we've escaped rocky times. We haven't--not by a long shot. There was a time, about 2 years in to our marriage that I thought we would divorce. Thank God that we didn't. And then 5 years after our wedding, I became so ill that everyone, including all of my doctors, thought I was going to die. Mark stood by the hospital bed, watching me struggle to breathe, and had to release me to the Lord. And to this day, we credit the faith-filled prayers that were uttered on my behalf for my recovery and health. Mark also will tell you that I 'turned the corner' on the day he handed me back to God, relinquishing his "right" to have me as his wife. God answered all of those prayers so abundantly!

All of this to say that we wouldn't be here today, celebrating 11 years together, without the grace of God and major answered prayer. All of the struggles we've seen, including Brendan's challenging gestation, have made our celebration much sweeter.

So my advice to those of you who are on the cusp of a forever-relationship: begin as you intend to end. Aunt Frances was right on so many counts (besides, she could bake a *mean* raisin pie!), but she was especially right on this one.

I'm off to spend time with my sweet husband! :)

Foxtrot

2006-03-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

by Bill Amend, published 3.22.06

Although I don't have a child quite like Jason Fox (thank you, God!), I do remember using this ploy on my mother as a pre-teen. Now that I'm a mom, it's quite fitting and rather humourous, although I don't remember my mom being quite so amused. ;)

Random Ramblings

2006-03-18T13:06:00.000-05:00

I've had some random thoughts tumbling around in my noggin for a bit, and thought I'd put them down and think about some other stuff for a while. ;) So you're subjected to them at this reading. ;)

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We've Struck OIL! (Follow up)

We tried coconut oil and have effectively switched from canola oil (which I *thought* was healthy, but which is NOT). The Switch has been painless in our home; the first time I tried using coconut oil, the boys didn't even know it was there. :) I cooked scrambled eggs with it, and there was no trace of coconut flavour or scent, but it did a great job with keeping the eggs from sticking to my pan. I purchased "centrifuged, extra virgin" coconut oil from Family Wilderness, and have been pleased. I'll go back and buy more eventually, but I don't use it that often. Liquid oil has been switched over to sesame, but I may still try grapeseed oil, which (apparently) has more flavinoids due to its red colour. We like sesame oil (the darker stuff used in Chinese and Japanese cooking), and the lighter stuff (refined) is good, but because it IS refined, it doesn't have as nutty a flavour as the darker kind. I will keep both on hand and use them for different purposes.

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No Results (yet)

Several of you have asked about Emily and if a cause of death has been pinpointed. The short answer is "no." The longer answer is "No, not yet."

The coroner in WI called Wendy and Brian and asked if he could get more records and continue his research. He is not satisfied with signing off on the death certificate yet and wants to continue to dig. So we wait, but I don't think any of us is counting on anything being found. It's hard enough losing a child, but if we strung ourselves out by waiting for an answer with baited breath, I don't know how any of us would cope.

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Are We an Obsessed Culture, or What?

I was reading a magazine a few weeks ago and saw a large ad for an anti-depressant. Normally, this isn't news. But what I read and what it triggered in my brain deserves to be written.

The ad was for Zoloft, a relatively common anti-depressant. Usually, these ads talk about some vague "sexual side effects" and that's about it; this one didn't mention that side effect at all. Instead, in large bold print, it said, "Taking Zoloft is not linked to weight gain." Harmless enough a statement, right?

But is it *really*? The fact that the drug company felt obliged or saw it necessary to put that wording in their ad (directed at consumers, as this was not a medical professionals' magazine) leads me to think that some people might not treat their depression for fear of gaining weight. How backwards is THAT?

Seriously--as if gaining weight is such a horrible thing that it's worse than DEPRESSION? As if when the depression (and its root) is treated, weight loss via whatever healthy means desired cannot be achieved?

I'll be honest here: this scares me. You may be thinking I'm overreacting here, but I'll tell you why I don't think I am. Every time you turn on the news, there's something about this "growing epidemic of obesity" (pun intended). Every time you go down a grocery-store aisle or try to check out, there are products and magazines that have a "new" diet or a "new way of eating." Or worse, "LOOK! So-and-so Starlet has lost 67 pounds and is now down to a beautiful size 0!" on a women's magazine. Our perspective has been lost. Utterly shot to heck here, folks.

It used to be that women who were considered beautiful were of average size--size 12. Now, a size 12 is "plus sized" in the world of modeling. And now girls and women who are emaciated are "examples" for all of us.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't like to slim down a bit--Lord knows that I try on a daily basis--I watch my food intake and exercise. But if I never lose a pound, I have to be satisfied with myself--I'm healthy (my cholesterol, BP, and everything else is in good shape) and I'm active. And I'm more than my dress-size, for sure. But when someone loses a great deal of weight and another comments on "how beautiful she is NOW" (intimating that this person wasn't before, when the only thing that has changed is the amount of cellulite and clothing size), I have to wonder where the perspective is. Chances are that the person was beautiful before the weight loss, but wasn't matching up to what we've all been programmed to think is "beautiful." After all, if someone isn't attractive, it's generally more than his or her size that makes him or her unattractive.

So back to my original point: if we are extending the message that it's more important to be slim than to be mentally and emotionally healthy, aren't we just saying that we're willing to trade one form of mental and emotional illness for another? And aren't we willing to sacrifice health in general for this commitment to rail-thin "beauty"? If my perception is right and we are willing to do that, then we have many more problems than we think we do.

It's time to embrace health and beauty however it comes. No matter what the size package or how much it goes against what Hollywood and Madison Avenue tell us.

~~~~~~~
Cinnamon

Last little update, I promise.

I've been reading on the PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome boards that some women have been having success by taking cinnamon supplements.

Yes, that's the same stuff that you might sprinkle on oatmeal or in a cappucino. ;) It's capsules filled with the stuff, and I managed to find 600mg caps online.

Anyhow, I'm taking 2 capsules with my 2 largest meals (which, since I'm only hungry twice a day is lunch and dinner), and so far, so good. :) They're easy to take and have had an effect on my insulin levels (for the better).

I gave the supplements the "acid test" on Thursday night and ate a few potato slices with dinner. Normally, a few bites would send me over the top with an insulin spike, but taking 2 cinnamon caps after dinner seemed to prevent that. Yippee to that! I'm not going to start carb-loading, but it's nice to know that if I cannot avoid something like a bit of potato that I'm not going to suffer for it all night long.

It is a good thing I like cinnamon, though...I do get "cinnamon burps" with it, and reportedly, one woman actually burped and puffed out a cloud of cinnamon. ;) Hasn't happened to me yet, but Mark is anxiously awaiting that event and wants me to announce each time I need to burp so he can watch. ;) What a goof of a husband I have! ;)

Emily's Birthday

2006-03-07T20:33:00.000-05:00

Today should have been Emily's 3rd birthday. Instead, it's a day when we remember her and wish she hadn't left our presence prematurely. Oh, that it were any other way!

I made a special 7x7 scrapbook of Emi for Wendy & Brian last month...it was truly the hardest thing I've ever scrapped. It took me two days to put it together and it made me sick to my stomach the entire weekend. I think it was because I shouldn't have had to put an album together for one who was so small.... I was pleased with the final outcome, but still had a hard time sending it off--as much of a tribute and gift as it was, I didn't want to make Wendy any sadder than she is already.

I spoke with her yesterday; she was anticipating a hard day today. They have wonderful support from their church, but as much as they're grateful for that, they really wish they had no need for that support. And so the grieving continues.

I am about to start some grief counseling myself. I thought I could muddle through this on my own, but my lack of coping with the grief and sadness I feel and the stress of job-hunting and the impending relocation had me reeling for several months. So I'm taking some meds that help me cope better and will begin seeing a therapist (hopefully) next week.

Our memories of Emi Grace will never fade, but I know the intense grief will eventually subside. In the meantime, we all find ways to cope and pray another family never has to experience what we have.

~~~~~~

Rest in Jesus' arms, sweet girl. We'll see you soon and will miss you every day until we are reunited in Heaven.

The Mommy Wars

2006-02-23T13:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been remiss in not posting recently. And to the three of you that read this blog, I apologize. ;)

But now I've got a burr under my saddle, and this is the perfect venue for working this out. So hang on for some written processing....

"Good Morning America" has run a two-day piece on "The Mommy Wars" in which Diane Sawyer interviewed one Linda Hirschman. As someone once said, "Everyone's writing [and trying to sell] a book." Her basic argument is that there should never be an educated woman who chooses anything other than being in the corporate world--that stay-at-home-moms are simply deluding themselves and cheating society as a whole. Now, other than writing a article on the topic (for "American Prospect") and doing the requisite research, I have no idea what her "qualifications" are for making the statements she's made. But that's going to work itself out, I think.I'm going to debunk some of what she's said and ruminate at the same time.

1. "I think it's a mistake for these highly educated and capable women to make that choice [to stay home]," said law professor and working mom Linda Hirshman. "I am saying an educated, competent adult's place is in the office." Hirschman sounds amazingly arrogant and elitist. Her basic point is this: privileged, educated women who choose to stay at home to raise their children are hurting themselves and others. Based on my own middle-class upbringing, I would probably fall in to this "privileged" category, and the fact that I earned my Master of Arts degree makes me "highly educated." I argue that my place is NOT in an office (at this stage in my life), but with our son. I *could* be chasing my tail in an adult-sized gerbil-wheel-setting, but instead, I'm raising part of the next generation. How can that NOT benefit society?

2. ...it's difficult to re-enter the workplace after staying at home, and that when a mother comes back, she may make less money. This may be a matter-of-fact, but it's quite irrelevant to the entire argument. If by staying at home, I'm being detrimental to society, how can my own personal gain (or lack thereof) be an argument FOR being in the office? Do you see where I'm going here? You can't have it both ways: either I'm damaging society (and women's rights, but I'll get to that later) by staying home, or I'm benefiting society by working outside the home. But once you combine the whole "personal gain" argument in to it, you've nullified your initial gripe--my personal gain has little to do with the advancement of society.

3. Hirshman says working is also a matter of feeling fulfilled. She doesn't buy into the arguments of many homemakers who say taking care of the family is the most fulfilling thing they could imagine. "I would like to see a description of their daily lives that substantiates that position," Hirshman said. "One of the things I've done working on my book is to read a lot of the diaries online, and their description of their lives does not sound particularly interesting or fulfilling for a complicated, educated person." Well, OBVIOUSLY, she's not read THIS blog. ;) But moving on.... I guess what burns my butt the most about this is that her perspective seems to be "all about MEEEEEE." My work in my home not only fulfills me, but it SERVES my family. It BLESSES my family. And I'm just a PART of the FAMILY. And let's face it--this is amazingly elitist, when you cut through the bull of the sentiment. No matter *what* kind of family you have, things still have to be done. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, etc.--these things accumulate and require doing, no matter if you're working outside or inside the home. So if "we" (privileged, highly educated women) find this "beneath us" to do, WHO does them? I'm quite sure she doesn't consider this, but it then falls to whoever WILL do it. And usually this is not within the family--it's left to an outsider. Who may not be as "privileged or highly educated" as me, but will work for it. So in review, *I'm* too good for it, but another woman else who has the gumption to own her own business and does other people's cleaning or child care, *isn't.* Now isn't THAT the picture of equality?

4. Hirshman says that's why women should only have one child. If you have one, you can keep up in the workplace, but two makes it difficult. Wow--I feel sorry for her "one child." While I strive to add to our family so our son won't be an "only child," she advocates that he should be just that. For me, this just underscores the wide chasm between our two philosophies of life. I want my child to recognize that he's part of a family and that the world does more than revolve around him (which these days, is a bit of a challenge--he's four and thinks that he should get what he wants when he wants it. He's having a bit of a rude awakening....).

5. One of Hirshman's most sobering arguments is that women who leave the workplace are ensuring that the hard-won gains made by women will be undone. She asks why should business schools give advanced degrees to those who don't use them? Hirschman sounds a lot like the late Betty Friedan (author of "The Feminine Mystique"). Friedan also criticized women who stayed home as "letting the team down," and argued that the work these women *choose* to do was demeaning and unfulfilling. The argument didn't hold water then, and it holds less now. Yeah, housework is a drag. Even for those of us who are "FlyWashed," it's still a chore. But if you know who you ARE and define yourself as more than the sum total of what you DO, then it's not demeaning or unfulfilling. Additionally, the idea that those of us who stay home "aren't using [our educations]" is absurd. Let's talk about rationally facing off with a toddler, shall we? Or reading or having hobbies, or corresponding or writing....none of this would be possible without the education that we *earned*. Just because we choose to use it differently than she does apparently makes us "unworthy" to have it. Hogwash! Again, she lets us see liberal elitism at its best (worst). I have a Psychology degree (undergrad) which entitled me to do one of two things: 1) Go on for another degree (which I did, but not in psychology per se) or 2) Ask people "Would you like fries with that?" My degree has never (and would not now) get me anywhere in corporate society, which by her definition means I "wouldn't be using it." Back to the idea that I'm unworthy of an education. *How* is this different than the Taliban and their belief that educating women is a waste of time and resources?? Let's face it--women these days have a choice about staying home or working in an office. And many of us choose to stay home. Should we then be crucified for making that choice?

For me, the most telling fact that was left out of her research is the trend that most of my friends show--educated moms who stay home with their kids were the classic "latchkey kids" of the 80s. They had the full-time working mom and are choosing a different path for their own kids. Of course, I wouldn't expect intellectual honesty from Hirschman--it would undermine her thesis and nullify her work.

What's fascinating about this for me is that I have a mixture of work-at-home and work-outside-home mommy-friends. And none of us are at "war" over this--we accept the other's choice for what it is and support each other as moms. It's the same for those friends who homeschool and those who don't--no one criticizes another, we simply support each other. And isn't that the way it *should* be?

The (Mis-)Adventures of Eating

2006-01-04T15:23:00.000-05:00

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which causes me to be very cautious about what I eat--my body doesn't seem to tolerate certain things well (sugar and chocolate are two main culprits in my life). And when one's body doesn't tolerate things well, it causes one to be more circumspect in what one shoves down one's gullet. ;0

So this adventure starts with a post on a bulletin board for women with PCOS and takes me to a site which (ordinarily) I would have tossed with the "fanatics" and "food police." Only, I don't--because their information on soy is *right on the money.* You see, soy is a product which is VERY not good for me (the phytoestrogens are physically dangerous to my system). So when I see information that is accurate with my own research on the topic of soy, I am more apt to give the benefit of the doubt to the rest of the site.

Which is what I did. Because I trusted what this site said about soy ingestion, I actually read most of the site (it's very text-heavy). And what I read freaked me out and grossed me out (completely) at the same time. :p

I read about milk production and this site's Campaign for Real Milk. And it made me actually want to do something that would (ordinarily) be completely out of my character: to buy milk from a farmer and try it, unpasteurized and uncooked. Apparently, when milk is heated (for the pasteurization process), enzymes change and the natural fats, which are "good fats," change to "bad fats." And the milk becomes inherently less healthy for us. In fact, most "milk allergies" are an allergy to the things that come with the pasteurization process--not an actual allergy to milk per se. Fascinating stuff! I have a few leads on farmers in my area that may be willing to sell me some raw milk and I'll post my results (and the family's judgment) on it in a few weeks. :)

~~~

Sort of in the same vein, I was also researching oils and fats. And apparently, what we've all been told since the mid-80s (that saturated fats are bad and unsaturated and polyunsaturates are good) is bogus. Hooey. Complete fiction! What we thought "researchers" were telling us in the 80s, never came from researchers. It came from the marketers of vegetable-oil manufacturers and no one else. :( So the American public bought in to a bunch of junk, and it's been costing us our health. :( :( This has lead me on a chase to figure out which oil I will switch to (liquid "cooking oil")--I dislike the taste of olive oil, but other than that or sesame oil, I don't have a lot of options. So I either find a VERY mild tasting olive oil (read: almost no taste whatsoever), or I use sesame oil. And on the topic of solid cooking oils, I just procured a sample of "virgin, centrifuged coconut oil." Coconut oil is supposed to be very good for you, and this stuff is supposed to be very mild in flavour (i.e., my eggs won't taste like coconut). Now if I could figure out what to do about shortening for baking....!

~~~

I have more information that I found fascinating (but will save for the next posting) about peanut allergies and the seeming ubiquitousness of said allergies. Absolutely fascinating stuff! Who woulda thunk that I'd jump on the "natural foods" bandwagon? I only recently decided I wouldn't spontaneously combust if I went in to a Whole Foods Supermarket....! ;)

Happy New Year!

2006-01-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

Well, December found me overwhelmed, but not in the same way I've been swamped in past Christmas seasons. I had my gifts purchased, wrapped, and mailed, and I waited to bake and make the goodies for the gift bags...despite my organization, December was a blur of activity and I found myself shelving my writing for a bit.

No more!

I have so much to write and so little time (tonight) to do it....look for posts in the very near future about my new dietary quest(s), what I've learned about food allergies, and our wonderful little fiesta/siesta in Dexter after Christmas. :)

Oh, and check out the new profile picture...!

More later...I hear the pitter patter of little feet that should be in bed! ;0

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-24T19:33:00.000-05:00

It's very easy to wallow in sorrow and grief...and to forget that you have things that you're actually grateful for. And it seems weird in the midst of intense grief to have a happy and joyful anything, much less a holiday.

But the facts are simple: I truly am grateful, not only on this day, but every day. Thanksgiving is just one day in which we get to catalogue and think about our blessings on the way to cataloguing and thinking about our holiday shopping lists for tomorrow. Pity, that. I think if spent more time counting our blessings and less time fighting crowds at the mall if our whole holiday season wouldn't be different altogether. Scratch that--I *know* it would.

Regardless, in the midst of family trauma such as we've had, I'm so very grateful for the following:

*My family--all of us. Our little threesome is fun and there are so many things to celebrate on a daily basis, and our extended family adds much joy to the mix too.

*My marriage--although we've had some rocky times, it's a good, strong relationship. I'm so grateful for that wonderful husband I have!

*My home--maintained by a job that we're looking to jettison (another story), but even for that job that frustrates us many days, I'm grateful. For without it, this home wouldn't be possible.

*My friends--some of whom are as close as siblings (twin siblings, to boot!), all of whom are loving, giving individuals, and all of whom without we would live a poorer life.

Now of course there are more things for which I'm grateful, and the fact that I'm counting blessings at all indicates that my faith is a major part of my life. For if I didn't Believe, then to Whom would I give my thanks? But that's another entry.

In the midst of a sad time, we spent a day with friends who helped us remember the sweeter and funnier side of life, and who were happy to take my $5 at the poker table. ;) Ah well...what is it they say? "A fool and her money are soon parted." Yep, well....What can I say?

May your Thanksgiving be more than a blur on the race to the mall tomorrow and may you truly count all the things and people which enrich and bless your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Remembering Emily Grace

2005-11-02T14:05:00.000-05:00

It has been 18 days since we lost Emily Grace, and in last night's mail was a CD and DVD of pictures that were used during the visitation and funeral. I made copies of the CD and will have a friend make copies of the DVD for distribution in the family. What I can't believe is how much "life" goes on in spite of the grief and how callous that seems, even to me who has to go on with "life." Despite the grief, my family needs to eat, bills have to be paid, and Mark must go to work. So I thought this was a good time to remember our niece and post some pictures as a bit of a memorial. I cannot watch the DVD yet--while I could during the funeral, I recognize that the numbness has worn off and it's simply too painful right now. I also have a special project I'll work on for Wendy & Brian, but at the moment, even that is too hard for me.

Pictures here range from infancy (with those gigantic eyes and silly smile) to early toddlerhood. She was a carbon copy of her Dada at birth and morphed in to the spitting image of her Mama, especially at the same age. It absolutely stunned me--this child was the exact image of her mother--her mother that I remember from our childhood! Her transformation kept us mesmerized, and she was the most vocal and vibrant of the Gutreuter family.

What a treat she was and how deeply she is missed. It seems as though the fog we are walking through is thick and memories hit us as inopportune times, yet we know how much harder it is for my sister and brother-in-law and their surviving children. Emily Grace ("of the beautiful face," as my parents always added) will be held in our hearts forever and is missed deeply.

We await our reunion in Heaven, sweet girl. Dance in the arms of Jesus until we arrive!

A Short Reprieve

2005-10-28T12:50:00.000-04:00

So in the midst of our grief and pain at burying Emily, we had a few days which reminded us that life indeed does move on. And those days were so refreshing!

We spent some glorious (and chilly!) days in Dexter, MI--where it was actually *warmer* than in Nicholasville! Imagine that! ;)

Nettie and Jay allowed us to be ourselves--talk when we felt like it, cry when we felt like it, and were just there for us. What a gift that is!

We spent time at the Hockeytown Cafe on Saturday (pic of the 3 girls), which I found fascinating and fun at the same time. The service left something to be desired and the prices surely didn't warrant any standing ovations, but it was the atmosphere I was after.

I didn't have the heart to go to church on Sunday, so we went to the Chapel of the Holy Boxsprings and had a relaxed breakfast and morning hike (pic of the leaf).

And since I owe Nettie a "decent picture" (unlike the one she protests at the upper right of the page), here's one Jay took on our hike. (note the flawless skin!)

Monday had us house-looking (again), as Mark & I took advantage of free childcare and naptime for Brendan to poke around at open-houses on Sunday. We re-visited one house in particular and took multiple pictures; we also signed with a buyer-agent in Dexter. She seems to be very nice and full of integrity; we had peace after signing with her--almost as if another piece in the puzzle fit and that was one less thing for us to be concerned about.

We also spent time at a local haunt--Jenny's Farm Market. The kids had a great time, but Buster wasn't so sure about the donkeys--they kept braying at him (making him crazy) and it almost seemed as if they were trying to terrorize him. ;0 The ducks (see picture) kept us entertained; they kept diving to the bottom of their pond, but coming up with nothing. So this explains the duck-butt picture to the left. ;)

Our time in Dexter wrapped up on Monday night with scooping out the goop in pumpkins and carving them--a wonderful family time in the Brooks kitchen and therapeutic to simply be a part of something so simple and full of wonder for the kids. In spite of reservations I have about this 'holiday', there is something about carving pumpkins and reconnecting with the safe part of childhood that Halloween used to be--once upon a time when we were kids, before we had any cares or concerns.

Oh, to be a kid again....

My Family and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2005-10-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was possibly the worst day of our family's life--and that encompasses some pretty terrible days in general.

We buried Emily Grace.

The day was preceded by a night of visitation at the funeral home--people were kind and friends from far outside of Indy drove in and paid their respects and showed love to Wendy, Brian, and our family. It was touching. I had worked all day on flowers--well, most of that is true. I was waylaid with conversation before I even started on the arrangements (large sprays on easels), and when I actually got going, I found it hard to do. My hands shook and I was slow--very atypical for me. After all, I've designed flowers for 13 years now and this was not my first funeral piece, not by a long shot.

But it was the first one I'd done for a family member, much less a beautiful niece.

And I prayed. I prayed my heart out--for amazing things like a physical resurrection. I knew it was well out of the realm of possible in the natural world, but isn't that the very definition of a miracle? And while I knew it was improbable and impossible to us, it wasn't for God. And what would we hurt by asking? The worst God could say was "no," right? If I had been Emily's mom, I would've done exactly the same thing--this would have been MY BABY. And I would've questioned forever if I should have or if I put God in a box by *not* asking. So we asked.

The answer was "no." We all would've passed out if the answer had been "yes," but it was something we had to do anyhow.

So yesterday began with sending my boys off to Ann Arbor, site of The Job Interview for Mark and a place where Brendan would be well-tended and safe from the emotional upheaval that a funeral can be.

We dressed and checked out of the hotel and drove to the church. While it was great to see friends and relatives that we haven't seen in a while, it struck me as sad that this usually happens when someone dies and that we don't make more of an effort when people are still alive.

The service was beautiful, but it found me so deeply sad. Emily was my girl--she was smiley, active, and oh so beautiful--and she let me kiss the bridge of her nose (what I call "my special spot"). And of course when that happened, Brendan had to get in on the action, too--he had to have me kiss *his* "special spot" right after Emily did. ;)

I've never touched someone in a coffin before--I never felt the need to do so. But this was different. This was my Emily and she was so precious--her sweet legs stretched out, socked toes touching the inside of the coffin, her pink fingernails, and the bruises on her legs from keeping up with her big brothers. Her delicate curls of strawberry blonde hair framed her face, and she just deserved all the kisses in the world. I was slightly surprised that it felt like kissing a porcelain doll, but just couldn't stop pouring out my love and affection.

We drove to the cemetery and had a short ceremony there in the cold, drizzly, and otherwise blustery day. I was actually glad that it was cold like that--I was very cold (my mom said I was shivering, but I honestly don't remember shaking at all), but it matched my state of mind. You shouldn't bury a child--they should bury you. I would've been quite p.o.'d if it had been bright and sunny--although we know without question that Emily is with Jesus, it would've seemed like a mockery of the day and its events if it had been bright and cheerful.

Later that night, I learned a valuable lesson about why some people self-medicate with alcohol--it was incredibly easy to drink several glasses of wine and leave the heaviness of my heart behind. Of course it was still there when I woke in the middle of the night and again in the morning, but for a few hours, it was easier to sit and pretend it didn't exist. I'm grateful for the fact that I don't have a huge proclivity to drink, as well as for the new depth of understanding for those who do struggle with alcohol.

One last thing: as I awoke in the wee hours of the morning and reflected on the pain in my heart, the verse from 1 Thessalonians 4 (13) rang true in my mind: "...I want you to know what will happen to the Christians who have died so you will not be full of sorrow like people who have no hope...." Paul was so right--we don't grieve as those who don't know the Hope in our hearts, but sometimes I think we gloss over that and negate the grief we DO have. Our grief will eventually give way to peace and hope, unlike those who don't share our faith. But the grief is still everpresent at this time, and it's still necessary to work through for emotional health. It was an affirmation of what we're all going through and what Wendy & Brian will continue to go through for years to come, and an understanding that Jesus feels the pain that we have (Heb. 4:14-16) and comforts us at the same time. It's a strange tension, yet one that believers live with at all times.

How Do You Cope?

2005-10-18T18:58:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning found me up early, ready to get some work done. What it didn't find me was expectant of receiving a devastating phone call from my mom.

She called with news of the death of our beautiful 2.5 y/o niece. She was healthy (except for some sniffles) and was running around when they put her to bed. My sister found her hours later.

The devastation is so complete--we were shocked, horrified, and hysterical all at the same time. How in the world do you adjust? How do you cope?

Emily was vibrant, vocal, and active. Her place in our family was set--the strawberry blonde with the impish smile, trying to keep up with her big brothers and being a mother-hen to her little sister. She is deeply missed and the hole she left will never be filled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The arrangements include visitation on Wednesday and a funeral on Thursday. We are currently in Indiana with family, and I will do flowers for family. We covet your prayers as we say our final goodbye and grieve our loss. For local readers, Max Vanderpool has information regarding our plans with the instructions to disseminate freely.

Ya Notice Anything New?

2005-09-25T15:15:00.000-04:00

Those of you who visit somewhat regularly might notice a new "ad" box on the right-hand side (besides the AdSense ads)--it's from Gas Buddy. I'm not officially plugging Gas Buddy and I reap nothing from having it in the sidebar, but with gas prices being as wild and fluctuating as they are, this is a quick way to search the best prices in your area. Just plug in your zip code and go! :) This site is much more accurate than others; it relies on local participants reporting prices and in generally right-on. :) Enjoy ~ and catch those prices when they're at their lowest! ;)

Attack of the Killer Mosquitos!

2005-09-23T14:10:00.000-04:00

I have always gotten 'bumps' from mosquito bites; the normal, red, itchy bumps. Pesky, but they go away. And as of the last few years, they go away exceedingly quickly, as the zyrtec in my system seems to dissipate them more quickly than normal metabolism of the stuff that skeeter injects in me. ::ick::

I'd heard about others who got "allergic reactions" to mosquitoes, but I honestly just thought it was an overstatement of a normal bite. That is, until MY kid had it.

[As an aside, why do we have a tendency to take things less seriously until we experience it ourselves? A natural bent towards skepticism?]

Brendan had normal mosquito bites last year; exactly like what most people experience. This season started off with what I thought was him scratching bites to infection. So I treated the open sores with neosporin and band-aids and a stern talk about not scratching and keeping his hands washed. Turns out it might not be that at all!

Several weeks ago, he got another crop of bites (they always seem to happen when he's sleeping) and I put Caladryl Clear on them. Unlike what you (and I) expect, there is no benadryl in Caladryl--they changed the formulation and it's pramoxine HCl. Several hours after the application of the Caladryl, he had blisters in the middle of the bites. So we (naturally!) assumed he was allergic to the pramoxine, and I bought benadryl cream.

Today he woke up with yet another batch of them, and didn't want any cream on them, so I left them alone. Guess what was in the middle of these bites by lunchtime? Yep--plasma-filled blisters. ::double ick:: So I pierced the blisters (lest he do it while scratching) and put cortisone ointment and bandages on them. Once I put him to bed, I immediately googled "allergic-reaction+mosquito-bite" and came across a site run by Princeton University in which many, many people posted about their extreme allergic reactions to mosquito bites.

I am so grateful I found the site; there's nothing a doctor can do, although there is some thought that taking singulair might help reduce the reaction (this medication reduces leukotriene reaction, part of what makes up an allergic reaction). I will talk to his ped when we're next in; in the meantime, I may start coating the child in Skin So Soft before bed. ;) I know it doesn't do a huge amount in terms of repelling mosquitoes, but I don't want to dip him in bug spray and put him to bed, either. And as long as we have this Eternal Summer down here, they're not going to die any time soon. Argh!

So that's our experience with the killer-mosquitoes--I don't know what's different for Brendan, except to think that it might be linked to his development of seasonal allergies. Even more reason to hike out of the Ohio Valley, where all allergens and pollens land on us! ;)

Random Thoughts

2005-09-18T14:03:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those weeks when you look back and realize it's been a jumble? Much has happened, but to characterize the week as "a good one" or "a rotten one" just doesn't seem possible. So in that vein, here are some random thoughts about my week....

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So last week saw the anniversary of the 9.11 attacks. And last Sunday found me sitting in front of the keyboard, staring at images of that horrible day, getting terribly emotional, and crying. When Brendan got up from nap, he noticed my eyes and sniffles and asked why I was crying. What do you tell an innocent 3 y/o child about terrorism?

I responded that when he was still inside of me, some very bad people did a very bad thing and crashed airplanes in to buildings. They hurt a lot of people who didn't do anything wrong, and when I remembered what happened, it made me sad. It was the best I could do at the time. (So much of parenting is on the fly!)

I knew his little 3 y/o mind couldn't wrap itself around that, but it satisfied his curiosity and got me a tissue and a kiss from my little sweetheart.

Later on in the week, he said, "I'm sorry, Mama." I asked why he was sorry and the reply came back, "I'm sorry that when I was in your tummy some people did a bad thing and made you sad." Insert collective "awwwww" here....

Kids can't grasp what happened that day, even if they were directly affected by it. But one little boy's attempts to comfort his sad mum did a lot to brighten my outlook and put a smile on my face. If it didn't, then wouldn't the terrorists have won? For our future is locked up in these cherubic faces, not in the evil that these criminals have perpetrated upon us in the past.

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Have you ever expected the worst, only to be pleasantly surprised (nay, shocked!) when just the opposite happens? I was, today. :)

I had the lowest of expectations of an individual and was very happy when I was able to cast aside my preconceived notions. It truly did change my perspective (immediately, I might add) and my attitude as a whole; everything immediately seemed less gray and despairing. I guess that should be my lesson to never underestimate an individual's work ethic and God at the same time...!

9.11 Remembered

2005-09-11T15:57:00.000-04:00

People talk about major life events in terms of where they were, what they were doing, etc., when they "heard the news." So where were YOU when you heard about a plane crashing in to one of the Twin Towers? What were you doing and what was your first thought?

I can hardly believe it was 4 years ago today that it happened...in some ways it seems as if it was only last week, and in other ways it seems like a lifetime ago.

:::::::

I was already a wet dish rag, as we had just buried a 3 y/o from our church who drowned accidentally. I couldn't stop crying. I was pregnant with Brendan and the loss of a child is hard, no matter what the circumstances. But add pregnancy hormones to the mix, and it was a b-a-d combination for me.

I remember watching the news and getting ready to take our sick dog to the vet--I heard that a plane had hit one of the Twin Towers and immediately thought of a Cessna or other small plane. The reporter on the news was saying that it was a loud, horrific crash that sounded like a missile, but of course I thought he was imagining things. When the second tower was hit, my stomach dropped out. I had just watched it happen live and although I saw it, I just couldn't believe it. That day was so hard--and we didn't know anyone in Lower Manhattan--it was just watching others suffer and thinking about the agonizing friends and family of those who were lost. As the towers fell, I think a part of my heart fell with them and the survivors.

The next day, my eyes barely opened due to puffiness from crying. Mark and I both said, "Yesterday felt like a bad dream." I had barely slept--I kept seeing the images of crashing jets and flames over and over in my mind. Oh how I wish that it had been simply a nightmare! The hatred and the evil was simply unfathomable to me, and all the conjecture in the world by "experts" didn't help explain it to my befuddled brain.

As the ruins smouldered for weeks, my head cleared a bit. I continually wondered about this baby I was carrying and what sort of world he was to be born in to--the thought scared me. I was grateful for the decisive action taken by our government and thankful to the young volunteers who signed up to defend our country.

::::::::

To this day, I still don't understand the hatred and vitriol that brought people to our land, bent upon our destruction. I doubt I will ever comprehend such evil, because it's just not the way I think or live my life. But I will never forget those who died in those 4 plane crashes or the survivors they left behind. They are heroes in this saga and although they didn't go to work that day intending to sacrifice themselves, their sacrifice will not be forgotten and is not easily put aside.

For those of you who knew or loved someone who perished on 9.11, my prayers continue for you.

For those of you (like me) who didn't know anyone who died in those attacks personally, don't let the busyness of this life crowd out the loss and the pain of that day--never forget what happened. Hold the survivors in your heart and don't let the actions of that day fade in to our history books.

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If you want to see an amazing tribute to the victims, survivors, and the heroes who sacrificed themselves on our behalf, go here.

The Unplugged Life

2005-09-06T20:15:00.000-04:00

We were entirely unplugged from civilization last week. Okay, well not *entirely*...we still had phone and television, but the motherboard on my brand new (40 day old!) computer croaked on me. Ever try to do anything on a computer without a motherboard? A call (or 12) to the motherboard manufacturer (how many times can I hear, "Please hold. Your call is important to us" and not lose my mind?) and a hefty chunk of change for the new board (which will be refunded when they receive the defunct one), and all I had to do was wait. An interminable 5 days. If I thought that hearing a sappy, drippy voice in "On-Hold Hades" would make me mad, 5 days without connecting to the outside world challenged that notion.

I can hear it now. "You weren't *really* unplugged from the world--your phone worked and you had TV!" What you may not know about me is that I really don't enjoy talking on the phone (despite the lengthy periods on it with the motherboard manufacturer). And I really don't enjoy TV, although I am a bit of a current-events junkie. Typically, though, I get my current events from online sources and eschew TV watching.

I bet others of you are thinking, "Well jeez...I bet *she* got some things done around the house without being online!" Ehhh...yes and no. I spent a good deal of time under the desk, trying to figure out what was going on, a great amount of time on the phone with tech support, and some time doing other things (like sewing). If I had planned my online-fast, I would've accomplished more--but as it was, I took a good chunk of time to just read. And wonder how many emails were piling up in my inbox--with no way to stop them.

There were parts of last week that were refreshing. No reading testy messages on boards from people who were experiencing a precipitous drop of blood sugar and no time in the office (other than picking books off my bookshelf). I did miss my writing (and am behind as of now!), and I dearly missed my iTunes. But on the last day of this forced-internet-fast, I figured out that I could plug my iPod to the stereo via the monster cables that hooked up the AirPort and still hear my tunes. :) Too bad I didn't figure it out sooner! And I truly did enjoy the time to read--yes, I could've been painting or doing some home-improvement task, but I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and decided that some pleasure reading was long overdue.

I did learn that interpersonal stuff is easier online (in terms of time-management) than on the phone, but the connection of people is what's important--no matter how it takes place. So maybe a self-imposed fast from being online is in order every so often. It stretches me. And maybe someday I'll actually enjoy talking on the phone. But I'll make sure to set my listservs to "no mail" before I do it so I don't have 1200+ messages waiting to overload my inbox when I get back online. ;)

Job Hunt Update

2005-08-25T14:51:00.000-04:00

So our job-hunt continues. We've been approached by numerous headhunters, some of whom are good, and some of whom are terrible. ;0 Seriously--have you ever heard of someone who is presumably an adult and cannot follow simple directions? I had one headhunter call during the middle of the day and ask for Mark. I explained that he was at work and she asked if it was okay to call him on his cell (the number is on his resume). She was quite snippy and I explained to her that no, it was *not* okay. Mark doesn't want to be contacted at work; I'd be happy to give him a message to call her when he comes home. That (apparently) wasn't good enough--she proceded to call him on his cell after hanging up with me. She was snarky with him as well, and we determined then and there that if a supposed professional couldn't follow simple directions, she probably didn't have a very good rapport with clients, either. And we don't want someone like that representing our family!

All of that aside, we will be turning down an offer this week. While it wasn't a bad offer, it wasn't in an area where we feel called or know anyone at all. Friends of ours relocated last year to an area far from their family and friends and have found the job to be...well, not what was promised. While this in and of itself isn't terrible, they are also locked in to the company due to a clause in the contract regarding relocation services, and they have no support system in place where they are. So we are attempting to learn from someone else's "wishiwouldaknown" experience.

Mark & I have both had very eerie, very similar experiences that we consider to be prophetic in nature, or at least, a sign from God that we really are meant to be in one particular locale. So hang on, Lucy...we're comin'! :) We've decided to wait it out; the job offer/relo package that we're turning down is the first one we've received, and we know that Mark's skills are superior and that other offers will come. We're hopeful about one particular company that indicated an interest in interviewing Mark, but we're also not hanging any hats on that hook at the moment.

We're excited and nervous at the same time about the changes our family will undertake this year. It's exciting to think of new opportunities and the ability to continue on in our adoption (which right now is on hold), but it's nerve-wracking (a bit!) to consider leaving all of which we find comfortable and familiar. The idea of a new area and new routines are enough to send each of us running for different bathrooms from time to time, so we try not to obsess about it or get ahead of God. ;)

So as we wait, we continue to pray about the timing, the details, and the right job. I don't want to move my family 350 miles in any direction for the wrong job; we already have a not-so-hot job and I'm content to wait here for the right one. :)

2005-08-25T14:38:00.000-04:00

~The Twins~

So Who ARE You? Thoughts on a Christian "Bar Mitzvah"

2005-08-15T20:30:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we had a wonderful opportunity to celebrate the life of a 13 year old and welcome him to adulthood. His parents have studied Hebrew traditions and decided that they would use the 13th birthday to welcome their son (and I'm sure their other children when they achieve this status) to manhood. It's a cool idea, and one that Mark & I have intended to use for Brendan, although we have a good 10 years to plan it at this point. ;)

The concept comes from a time when there were no "teenage" years, "angst" wasn't something that was expected, and "rebellion" wasn't as common as it is now. The Nuer tribe uses the 13th birthday to welcome a boy to manhood by cutting grooves in the boy's forehead. If the boy does well and doesn't flinch at the pain, his scars will indicate that he entered manhood well and that he is now a full-adult member of the tribe. Young men were just that--young *men* and although they were young, they weren't treated like children or those caught in-between childhood and adulthood. They were simply seen as men.

Which brings me to today's culture and the teenaged angst, rebellion, and expectation of foolishness during the teenaged years. My thought is that if we simply conferred adulthood on young people at the ripe old age of 13 and began to teach them how to be adults and treated them as such, we might avoid some of the "stuff" that has come to symbolize the teen years in America. Of course, this idea isn't popular with marketers or retailers--they've come to profit from the very things that parents would like to avoid.

So back to our friends' son's "bar mitzvah." His parents asked significant men in his life to speak to him and talk to him about being a man. It was quite moving to hear these different guys in different stages of life speak about becoming a man. One guy in particular really stuck in my mind, and as Mark and I discussed it, there was a lot of meat in what this gentleman shared.

He began by asking the birthday boy, "Who ARE you?" And of course, the expected answer was his name. But that's not what this gentleman was asking. And so asking it again and again, he began to expound on the idea that yes, this boy was entering manhood. But more than that, as he had expressed faith in Jesus, he was a child of the living God. This position (more than manhood) brings about certain rights, privileges, and expectations--a quiet (not cocky) confidence, a peace, an assurance, etc., that will help him be the man that God desires him to be. They will also shape who he becomes as he continues to grow and learn about being a man.

It was quite stirring and made me realize that while Brendan is young, we have the opportunity to raise him to understand some of this. It will become more apparent when we confer upon him the position of manhood at age 13, and we make it a rite of passage for him. I have some things that I'm saving already for that time--books, movies, other things that have made an impression on us.

Now I'm quite certain that conferring adulthood upon a 13 year old (male or female) will not eliminate all bad choices and all emotional upheaval that comes with raging hormones, etc. Some of that simply can't be avoided. But what I am confident of is that our kids, understanding they *are* adults at that point and that we expect them to learn how to be adults and act like adults while they're learning, will be assured of who they ARE and will walk in to full adulthood with a greater concept of being a man (or woman) of God.

Response to a "Meanie"

2005-08-08T13:31:00.000-04:00

An Open Note to Fellow Christian Adoptive Parents:

Someone recently directed my attention to another blog that is simply a dumping ground for anger and hatred. Not that I begrudge anyone the right to free speech (by any stretch), but I'm amazingly sad by the things I read there.

The blog (which I won't give any free publicity here) is owned by a future-adoptive parent. That in and of itself doesn't sound too bad, but if it ended there, it wouldn't be. This author has used his site to bash other adoptive parents who hold beliefs and faith that he [the author] doesn't, and instead of building up the adoptive community, he has chosen to tear down. It's sad, pathetic, and quite sophomoric.

So why waste time and space on it here? Mostly because I think a site like this can pose a valuable learning opportunity for those of us who hold Faith dear and who attempt to share their joy of their growing families. We are united as parents; not by our parenting methods, per se, but our love for our children and the joy at having them placed in our arms, being ever so grateful to God (Who gave them to us, via a communist government) and their birthmothers who gave them up. We have chosen to raise them in a community of faith, having found that our Faith gives us hope, peace, and more love to share.

Jesus spoke clearly in Matthew 7:6 when He told us not to "cast your pearls before swine. The swine will trample them and then turn and attack you!" He was speaking of sharing the sacred with those who live and breathe in the profane (secular)--and warning us that if we aren't careful, our lack of prudence in this matter could get us hurt. Does this mean that we are to cloister ourselves away and not share anything with those who have yet to come to Faith? No--not in the least. It simply means that we use care and caution when sharing about our lives with those who don't value what we do. We walk it out before we talk it out, so to speak. Our actions (of love and kindness) will speak far more than our words ever will. We have an amazing opportunity as Christian parents to share the amazing, life-changing love of Jesus to those who don't know Him, and that includes those of us in the adoptive community.

So share your Faith and beliefs--but be prudent in where you share and what you share. In a word--be careful. And if you can't avoid the hatred and ugliness, simply leave. Let it stay where it is and depart the area. Shake the dust off your feet, as it were. God will bring you many more who believe as you do and who can share your joy and comfort you in sorrow. Use the comfort that comes from being united in Faith (Philippians 2:1 ff) and encourage each other (Heb. 3:13). That said, go love on your kids and thank God for building your family as He has! :)

Let's Drop the Puck!!!

2005-08-03T22:15:00.000-04:00

Okay, since I griped about our lack of a hockey season several months ago, I'm going to post about the new labour-agreement and our upcoming hockey season now. :)

My first words are, "Hallelujah! It's about danged time!" When I received the news that October 5 would be The Drop of The Puck and that all 30 franchises will be playing that night, the rush I had was exhilarating. You probably think I'm completely deranged by now, but honestly--for a true hockey fan, this past year has been a slow torture for me.

The fact that the players' union and the owners could come together on a labor agreement is something close to amazing to me--they stalled over a mere $7M difference in the spring. $7M--a mere spit in the bucket for all parties involved! But now that's behind us, and now the rebirth of the NHL will take place.

I have a friend who is a massive doubter when it comes to the NHL and hockey fans in general, but I forgive him, because he's from So. California. Okay, they have the LA Kings, but he's not a hockey fan--he's a San Diego Padres fan. And he's comparing the hockey-strike to how the baseball-strike of however-many-years-ago devastated the fan base of that sport. It's a reasonably fair comparison, except for one thing: the fans. What my friend doesn't comprehend is that northern climates LIVE for hockey. Gimme a break--like there's that much to do in Canada in the winter?? ;) And while baseball fans turned out to be largely fair-weather, hockey fans are used to bad-weather--namely, cold and snow. So when the freeze-out of the sport they love actually thaws, they'll be back, loyal as ever. Baseball has some decent competition in terms of type of sport (how many other sports use a ball and run?), but hockey has no competition. The only other things that are done on ice (not including than ice fishing) are figure skating and curling. Neither of which deal with speed, puck handling, or goalies who have slinkies for spines. ;) So if you're a fan, let's prove my Padre-loving friend wrong, eh?

And hey, if you're a Wing-Nut, you know we've got Brendan Shanahan signed for another year....And that's GOOD news, on top of the impending season! :)

(*muttering to self*...now if we can just make sure that Yzerman is on board....)

The Summer So Far....

2005-07-17T19:55:00.000-04:00

My apologies to my regular readers (all 3 of you!) at my lack of writing recently. The days are just packed, as the expression goes. ;)

We've spent much time at the pool recently; we shelled out the buckage for a family pass to the local (outdoor) aquatic center. This way, we don't feel badly about going for an hour or so every night after Mark gets home from work; if we paid the daily pass-amount (per adult and child), we'd feel a bit obligated to "get our money's worth" and stay all day. Not good for the easily-sunburned redhead (me) or the young-un's skin--late afternoon sun with its lessened intensity is much better. This membership also makes me forget (or at least, not mind as much) the incredibly sticky Kentucky heat & humidity. So it's a good thing all the way around. :)

I've also taken on several home-improvement projects; I recently painted our study a gorgeous shade of cafe au lait. Ever since we painted the family room terra cotta, I've not been afraid of painting colour on walls. I love the finished product; now to finish the new curtains for the study. We'll be tackling the kitchen & hallway next...the people at Sherwin Williams truly love me these days! ;) I also intend to hardwood our kitchen this summer...or at the very least, this early fall. It's past due, and I can hardly stand to look at the stained and dinged linoleum one day longer! ;0

We've begun the job-search in earnest these days; we're looking all over, with an eye to SE Michigan, where I grew up. The climate up there is very compatible with our family, and we have a heart for young families up there. We want to be part of a church-plant in that area (whether we spearhead it or just take part has yet to be determined)--something that reaches postmoderns and young families who think that God isn't interested in their lives these days. So to that end, we activated a resume on Monster and will see what comes in. We're also watching online classifieds from local papers in that area. Stay tuned for news....

Regarding life, I've had a significant amount of discontent lately--not that I don't like my life or my friends or anything like that. It's much more abstract than that--when I try to finger it, all I can come up with is that "something's not right." Exceptionally vague. So being the introspective individual I am, I've searched all areas of my life in hopes of turning up some clues. I haven't come up with anything specific, except to say that maybe our "time is up" here and this is a precursor to being willing to move. In the past when we've job-hunted via Monster and other national search-engines, we weren't really interested in moving out of the area. Not that we have ever thought that central Kentucky would be our lifelong home, just that the time wasn't right (apparently) for a cross-country move. When we were approached with job offers and interviews in far-reaching areas, we talked about it, prayed about it, and basically didn't have the peace that comes along with The Right Decision. So maybe (and that's a maybe-"maybe," not a conclusive-"maybe"), God is using this season of discontent in my life to get us ready for the next step He has for our lives. I don't know what it is, but it does have me thinking long and hard these days.

We did take one delightful trip to Michigan for vacation; my grandfather is still alive (at 95.5 y/o), and we wanted to see him again, as well as spend time with dear friends of ours. It was a great trip, and Mark & I had time to consider our lives, our future, and our family as we picnicked in Windsor, along the banks of the Detroit River.

Subsequent to that trip, we've had sleep-problems galore with our 3 y/o--he had sleep trauma on our 2nd to last night there, and it took him nearly 3 weeks to work through it. Can I just tell you that being out of the Nursing In The Middle Of The Night Phase is *nice*? I was NOT prepared for waking to terrified screams at 2 or 3 in the morning; this child was wide awake and inconsolable. They were not "night terrors," as he was awake for them and was able to talk clearly. He struggled to go to sleep as well--naps were fine, but nighttime was miserable. Sheer willpower got us through the sleep-deprivation and the black Samsonites that took up residence under my eyes were covered with layers of concealer. Yikes! What makes me think I'm ready for another kid?? I'm only half-serious here....I've become a complete lightweight when it comes to children and sleep! We did find an absolute willingness to grab at straws during this time; we had exhausted every known trick, threat, and coping method while our son screamed petrified sobs. We talked to everyone under the sun. Next to nothing worked; there were nights when this child was up until 11:30pm and would be out of bed by 7:00am the next morning. He would whine about being exhausted (no kidding!), nap well, and still be tired for bed that night. But he would fight sleep so violently I was literally concerned that he would make himself throw up in the process. We ended up trying to snuggle with him until he relaxed enough to fall asleep (or actually fell asleep)--sometimes that would be several hours after we put him in bed. Thank the Lord this stage has passed; he still talks a little of being "scared," but nothing like what it was during those trying weeks.

Anyhow...that sums up the highlights of our Summer So Far. Stay tuned for more musings! :)

Sue & Apple's AirPort Express

2005-07-16T14:40:00.000-04:00

This post is largely going to be technical, so please excuse that part of it (or read really quickly!). ;) There is a dearth of information for Airport Express owners who aren't Mac users (i.e., use Windows) regarding setup, and although I am by NO MEANS an expert, maybe my experiences from last night can be helpful to others. :)

Okay, so what the heck is an Airport Express, you might ask? The honest answer is, "I really don't know!" Silly, huh? What it *does*, however, I do know...you can use it as part of a wireless network to (for example) have different computers in one home share a single printer, or to expand your wireless network for laptop computing purposes. How we use it is to listen to digital music (from iTunes) on our home stereo. Pretty darned cool, if you ask me! :) So we've had the Airport for a while now and were waiting to get the new computer set up. Task accomplished, so I started out last night to set up the Airport so we can finally listen to our music throughout the front of the house. We converted from CDs to digital music and up until now, we've had to listen in the study only.

My first job was to call Nettie's husband, Jay. Jay is infinitely more techie than I am (and I'm a certified geek!), and he's installed an airport in their home. So by my standards, Jay is a professional at this. ;) Jay's estimation of his own abilities is somewhat less than mine, but hey--everyone's harder on themselves than others are. So here are the steps we went through:

1) Connect the Airport Express to power (duh!) and to the router via an extra Ethernet cable. Those things are handy to have around! Let the router recognize the Airport. This step pre-supposes that you have installed the software on your desktop for the Airport. If you haven't, do it now!

2) Once the two devices are connected, you'll need to know how to get in to the software for your router. Typically this involves knowing your router's IP address and typing it in to an internet browser window. Check your router settings, specifically where you can "name" your browser. I tried several times to "re-name" my router, of course, saving my changes. More on that later.

3) Open up the Airport Admin Utility (should be installed on your disk already), and with the two "wireless devices" connected by a wire (!!) see if you come up with a device that's found and an IP address. If you do (that means that your "network" has been detected), highlight the information and click "configure" at the bottom right of the screen. This will move you in to the actual configuration screen for your Airport.

4) One of the things you'll want to make sure of is that you're choosing "join an existing wireless network" rather than "create a wireless network" on the AirPort tab. The other thing that you'll REALLY want to make sure you have down is the name of your network. This is where making sure you know how to get in to the software to configure your router is very important. As I mentioned before, I saved my changes, but for whatever reason, my router didn't hold the changes. I went through much frustration with the Airport set-up because I didn't re-check the name of my network (router). Once you know the name of your network, enter it in the box.

5) You'll now have the opportunity to name your Airport--keep it simple, and use the name of your network in the title. Now go to the Music tab and make sure the box is checked that allows "AirTunes to be enabled on this base station." Once that's done, name your Airport. You can give it your family's name, or just the room in which it will be (as it is possible to run more than one Airport at a time, this might be wise).

6) Click "Update" at the bottom right of the screen and if you've gotten your network name and named your Airport, you should be golden. Disconnect the Ethernet cable from the Airport and keep it plugged in to the power source. It will take anywhere from 90-180 seconds to see if your Airport and router will communicate. If indeed you've done this right and they do, you'll see some fast blinking of the amber light and then a (happy, happy, happy) solid green light. :D

7) At this point, you're good to go plug your Airport in to wherever you intend it to be--for us, this was out by the stereo, and plugging in the monster cables from the back of the stereo to the Airport. If you're using this for digital music, make sure that your iTunes set up recognizes your Airport as a remote set of speakers (option is in Preferences). Once you see that iTunes has found your Airport, start playing your tunes, baby! ;D

One disclaimer: I'm told by those who are in the know that WEP encryption isn't compatible with the Airport Utility or set up. I don't have this feature turned on, but I'm told if I did, my Airport would "disappear" from the network.

For my regular readers: sorry about the tech talk, but this was fresh in my mind. I'll be back to regular writing soon! :)

Over & out!

An Open Letter to Mike Straka

2005-05-31T14:07:00.000-04:00

The following comment was posted by Mike Straka of Fox News in his weekly column; my response to Mike (sent directly to him as well) is below that.

"Carl's Jr. CEO Says 'Get a Life.' Grrr!"

So, fast food chain Carl's Jr. wants the Parents Television Council to lighten up. The PTC is mobilizing a million people to voice their displeasure at the restaurant's racy ad featuring Paris Hilton.

The chain's CEO Andy Puzder says they should "get a life."

To that I say, Amen, brother.

Enough is enough, isn't it? Look, people can find most anything offensive these days, and they have every right to. But the same rule applies for the people who don't find things offensive, doesn't it?

So don't buy a burger from Carl's Jr. -- big deal.

Let me ask you this question: Have you ever heard of Carl's Jr. before now? Exactly. The company used some shock value to get some attention, and boy, did it work. Everyone who is screaming about this needs to lighten up.

The commercial is sexy in a trashy sort of way, but it's also funny. In the end though, if the burger's good, the burger's good. Paris or no Paris.

You know, many of us think Hilton is dumber than a box of rocks. But she's not, folks. She's manipulating the system as good as any con artist. She's the new millennium's Madonna, and the more we protest her shenanigans, the longer she'll last, and the richer she'll get.

Get a life, and then Paris will go away once and for all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Mike--

I wanted to point out another view on the sleazy ad that Carl's Jr hamburger chain has running on TV right now.

While you and Mrs. Grrr have the ability to control what Baby Maxine sees (or doesn't see) on TV at this age, you will discover as she grows that she takes in much more than you think she does. Those darned kids are learning at *every turn*, whether we want them to or not! LOL

So fast-forward in your mind, if you will, to 3 years from now when you're watching whatever sports programming you'd like with Mrs. Grrr and Baby Maxine is no longer "baby," but a preschooler on her way to precociousness extraordinaire. This ad is no longer running, but because the envelope was pushed and no one pushed back, an ad that is much worse is on during your sporting event. Little Maxine is now playing Little People or some other imaginary game, but the music from this ad grabs her attention and she sits rapt for 30 seconds, watching a woman gyrate across the screen, skimpily clad. As a dad, I'm relatively certain this is not the message you want your daughter to absorb from television, and I'm also relatively certain that you and Mrs. Grrr will do whatever you need to try to instill different values in your daughter.

But wouldn't it be easier if the popular culture wasn't fighting you every step of the way? Would it be better if our young daughters didn't have to see this sort of trash on TV to begin with? You might argue that we shouldn't let our kids watch this junk to begin with. I wholeheartedly agree! But my scenario isn't too far fetched to happen--the TV wasn't tuned to some "adult channel" that shouldn't have been on when Little Maxine was watching to begin with, it was simply a sports program. And you didn't anticipate that it wouldn't be safe to watch a little football/baseball/hockey/basketball/curling with your family and not have them assaulted by something like this. So how could you have prevented it in the first place?

You can't. Plain and simple.

So on behalf of the people who think this recent ad *needs* to be protested--not for the self-righteous adults who choose to watch instead of turning the channel, but for the innocent children of our society that are growing up too quickly and already have too much pressure put on them in general, I will respectfully disagree with you telling me to "get a life." I have a life--it's my family. And my job in life these days is to protect our son from these sorts of images (and worse). But how can I do that when this ad (and others like it) are blasted across the morning news at 7:00 a.m.? Am I supposed to anticipate that gyrating hips on a too-skinny-model-who-needs-a-ham-sandwich-with-extra-mayo will be a part of my family's morning breakfast routine?

I certainly hope not. And I don't plan to stand around and let it happen, either.

Thanks for hearing me out, Mike. From one concerned parent to another, there is more at stake here than just a group of adults who like to protest things. It's our kids' future and the messages that we adults send them about who they need to be, what they need to do, and where their self-worth comes from. I don't want my (future) daughter to have to choose between my words and examples and the media's words and examples--the media can scream a lot louder than I can and already attempts to negate my influence at every turn. I just want to level the playing field a bit.

What a Responsibility!

2005-05-12T15:40:00.000-04:00

So we're in the midst of surgical-recovery here; Brendan had his tonsils & adenoids removed and his frenum snipped (he was tongue-tied) last week. Parenting a kid who's hopped up on an opiate (lortab) is VERY different than parenting a kid who isn't, let me tell you! ;0 We've already seen positive effects from the surgery--he no longer snores and he's now a nose-breather, both of which are very different than before the operation. He also put together the "t" and "r" sounds for the first time (ever!) the other day--a remarkable change from having his tongue freed in his mouth. But as I was saying, the lortab does seem to change my sweet-natured child in to something else--his core personality is there, but the impulse-control that he has had (as much as a 3 y/o has!) is gone, and because he's fighting the sleepies that the medication brings on, he's much crankier and sassy than he's been before. Now before you tell me it's just him being a typical toddler, I'll tell you that when we do correct him (more gently and with more leeway than BL [before lortab]), he's immediately repentant and recognizes what he's done wrong. So that tells me that his normal sweet-spirit is down there somewhere, under the side effects of the medication. So I wait for him to heal (it's been 7 days today since the operation) and wean him off the opiate as we go. ;)

But that's not the point of this entry. Just before Brendan's surgery, we attended the Grow Up Conference in Alpharetta, GA, put on by North Point Community Church. North Point is the congregation that has spear-headed the "relevant ministry" movement that is going on now (although there are many other "emergent churches" out there at the moment), and they started the KidStuf program that Generations (our church) uses. So this was a chance to get new ideas and get "re-fueled" at a place that shares our heart for ministry to families.

This year's conference was amazing--God really used it to confirm what my heart wants to do (minister to families) and give me direction beyond what I had already. I came away encouraged! This is what I wanted to share specifically about the conference: one of the main speakers (Reggie Joiner) had his annual session "Enlist the Family" (i.e., in ministry). He talked about the superiority of involving parents in family ministry over letting paid professionals (church staff) and volunteers (Sunday School teachers) do the work of discipling our kids. Keeping in mind that I've fully bought in to this model of ministry and think it's much more effective than the "old model" in general, this really struck me. Reggie brought out a small scooter--8HP, maxed out at 40mph, a little 2-cycle engine. This is the "let the church do the discipling" model. Church staff and volunteers have 40 hours in one year to reach your kid(s) with the truths of the Gospel. That's one work-week spread out over the course of the year--including illness, vacation, and holidays. Not very much, considering the time an average 4th grader spends in front of video games per week. Then someone rode out a 2005 Honda NightHawk Special Edition motorcycle. This monster has 125HP and does 0-60mph in 4.1 seconds--it will beat a Maserati off the line! This is the "enlist the family" model of discipleship. Parents have 2500 hours in one year to reach their kids with the truths of the Gospel--nearly 63 times more impact that staff and volunteers can have. Churches can choose the model they want to use, but me? I'm choosing that Special Edition NightHawk and the power that comes with it!

Now juxtapose this object lesson with what we heard in our small-group curriculum "Parental Guidance Required" ( see this post ). Andy Stanley talked about some imaginary "dials" that we parents can "tune in" for our kids' lives. The dials are "Relationship with Parents," "Relationship with God," and "Relationships with Others." His basic point was that as parents, we have the ability to adjust the dials to impact our kids and their lives with maximum impact from us and from God--if we so choose. Instead of letting others have more impact in our kids' lives than we do (or than God does, for that matter), we have the opportunity to put a *relationship* with our kids on the front burner and to impact their lives more than anyone else. We can teach our kids about God (or not), we can teach our kids our values (or not), and we can teach our kids that although we are their parents (and with that comes massive responsibility), we are also there to build relationship with them. That they are more important than *stuff* if our lives and we will live like that.

Wow--what a responsibility we have! We won't be judged in the afterlife on what we drove or how much we stashed away for a rainy day, but we will be required to give account of what we did with the children God gave us to raise and how we taught them about Him and His great love for us. Now that, my friends, is discipleship. And again, what a responsibility we have!

In case you're interested in a great tune, check out Casting Crowns' song "American Dream" when you have a moment. It's an updated version of Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle" and I'll wager that you won't be able to listen to it without having your emotions stirred up.

Oh No! I Have One of "THOSE Kids"!

2005-04-24T14:42:00.000-04:00

It used to be (when I was a new mom) that I looked around and saw moms with kids older than mine and thought, "Oh MY kid will NEVER do..." and then I'd fill in the blank on whatever "x" was.

So in the height of my new-mom-arrogance, when I saw older toddlers say, "Ewwww! I don't like that!" in regards to food, I thought, 'Eh...that poor mom. I'm not gonna be like *her*. I'm going to give my kid a variety of foods and he'll learn to like everything!' And this happened. Brendan got used to eating green beans early (his first non-cereal solid), loved green peas, chowed shredded wheat biscuits with gusto, and generally ate whatever we put in front of him with vigour. He even ate frozen (yes, frozen!) green peas, straight from the freezer--as a snack! He used to say, "Mmmm....broc!" (That's "Broccoli is my favourite, Mama!" for those of you who need a translation.)

That is, until he turned 3 years and 2 months old. "What's so magical about this age?" you might ask. I have no earthly idea. All of my new-mother-bravado is gone--I'm just like the rest of the moms out there. I now have one of "THOSE kids" who say, "Ewwww...I don't like that!" about *everything*, even things that are perennial favourites. Seriously--macaroni & cheese, THE BOXED KIND, gets this response! Broccoli, the favourite vegetable in the world, gets it. Even a pb&j on a different-looking wheat bread gets it. I cannot figure this out. My healthy-eater is now PICKY! My child who used to scarf down Shredded Wheat now looks at them with suspicion--as if I'm trying to POISON HIM! When did this happen? When did my child become one of "THOSE kids"? What about my ability to mother? What will become of me? What if they don't put my name in the book of "World's Greatest Mothers" under the category "Her Kids Ate Everything"?

Now with all kidding aside, absolutely nothing has changed in our home. We still have vegetables with dinner every night, I do not give in to Brendan's food-whims, and he either eats 7 bites of what's in front of him or he doesn't get his reward for not having accidents during the day (a handful of m&ms). The same things that have gone on since he was able to eat table food. So it's not like we've changed tracks and I only recently started to shove veggies down my child's throat. And typically when he says, "Ewww...." I'll tell him to take one bite. When he does this, he generally says, "YUM! I like this!" And occasionally we get a, "Oh YUMMY! It's my favourite!" But only after taking that requisite bite.

So I've concluded that this must be a phase. A phase that all mothers are cursed with as their toddlers develop a great sense of taste and recoil at the poison we put down every day and looks different than a package of fruit snacks. For if my child could survive on "animal fruit snax" from Sam's Club, I'm convinced he would. In the meantime, I'll try to stuff my snobbery and realize that every stage has a new challenge and that the optimism/arrogance that comes with new children will probably hit me again with Amanda. And then again with Arwen. And probably again with Sean...and Lucie...and Ian.

It's a good thing these posts are archived so I can go back and read them when I need them next time! ;)

Cow Silliness

2005-04-20T19:37:00.000-04:00

I just read about a site that intrigues me and I'm curious to know what others think. It's http://www.bovineunite.com/main.htm and smacks of viral marketing. Usually, I think this stuff is pretty clever, and while this is clever, there's also a bit of a sinister side to it. While investigating the site (and thinking, "Hmmm...Chik-Fil-A?"), I found some pro-vegan aspects to it, which is very un-restaurant-like. It's a little too lighthearted for PETA, although the dark-humour aspect is mirrored on PETA's site. The researchers at snopes.com don't know what to think, but they have noted some links to ad agencies that are known for viral marketing.

Anyhow, I'm curious to see what others think about it--supposedly, the "truth" will be spilled on Cinco de Mayo (May 5) at 8:45pm (EDT--it is being run from the east coast).

Ridiculously Happy!

2005-04-16T12:45:00.000-04:00

It's amazing to me how small things in my life make me so absurdly happy. Seriously--the phrase "simple things...." really fits here. I don't need a million dollars to be happy (although that wouldn't *hurt* my disposition--really!), I just need small things to work in the favour of my family.

Case in point: Mark & I are about to begin a video series with a group of parents from our church. I'm excessively excited about this series, partly because it's done by Andy Stanley and Reggie Joiner (two amazing men who minister to families in various ways), and partly because it's going to talk about continuing to build relationships with our kids so that when the tough times come, we have a relationship to fall back on (a "right" to speak in to their lives, as it were) and we can leverage our influence for their benefit and the benefit of our family. Sounds great, right?

Well, the one cloud in this picture was finding a sitter for our 3 year old. While that in and of itself doesn't seem like a monumental task, as a first-time mom to a child that took us 7 years to conceive and I struggled to stay pregnant with, I'm pretty danged particular about who watches my kid! It's not that I think I'm the only one who can do it well (not at all!), and it's not that my husband and I don't need a break every once and again (we do!). It's just that, well...I need to *trust* whoever watches my child *implicitly*. I don't want some teenager who thinks my house is "party central" once my child is in bed and my fridge is fair game for all of her friends. I have no problem sharing food, but the respect I showed as a teenaged babysitter seems to be lacking in some of the sitters I hear about today, and I just don't want that happening in my house while I'm gone. So picky? Yeah--but for the right reasons.

Back to the issue at hand. So a friend of ours was over the other night and she mentioned (while she was playing Matchbox cars with our son!) that she was looking for odd jobs to pick up some extra cash. WHOO HOO! You should've seen my eyes! :D Seriously--an *adult* who is *responsible* and *loves my kid* wants to earn some extra money? A match made in heaven--literally! :D

So now we've got this awesome class we're starting (and I'll be writing about that, too), a babysitter locked in, and one very happy Mama. See? It's not the *big things* in life that please me, it's the little ones. ;)

2005-04-16T08:20:00.000-04:00

So Very Accurate! ;)

2005-04-12T12:57:00.000-04:00

Generations Leadership Team
(hint: I'm the redhead at the back!)

Laundry & the 3 Year Old

2005-04-05T14:22:00.000-04:00

Today brings a monstrous task to my to-do list....washing the comforter.

So I'm preparing to wash the comforter on our bed and spot-treating it with a pre-treater this morning. Washing our comforter is no small feat--a queen-sized comforter in a washing machine (not a front-loader!) that just barely holds it all. Anyhow, our 3 year-old is watching me spray different spots on the comforter....well heck, here's the transcript:

Me: Now sweetie, don't sit on the comforter, it's wet.
Son: Yeah, Mama...you're spayin' it wif water!
Me: No, "Shout!" sweetheart.
Son: YOU'RE SPAYIN' IT WIF WATER, MAMA!!

At that point, I just dissolved in to gales of laughter and had tears streaming down my face. Instead of explaining what was so funny, I just looked at the bottle of Shout and kept on laughing.

Kids are so much fun!! :) Who knew they could bring laughter to laundering a comforter?? ;)

The Loss of a Pope

2005-04-03T21:23:00.000-04:00

As a non-Catholic, I didn't think that I would be much affected when John Paul II passed away. I couldn't have been more wrong.

It now seems to be "vogue" for a few moments to be Catholic, at least in the media. Maybe similar to how everyone was "American" after the 9/11 attacks, everyone is in some way "Catholic" after the Pope's death. This certainly has made me think about my Catholic brothers & sisters more.

I don't remember much about JPII's appointment as Pope in 1978--I was only 8 and living in Japan at the time, relatively oblivious to the outside world as a whole. But after we came back to the States, we lived in a highly Catholic area (we were one of two Protestant families in our neighborhood). Although my friends were Catholic, I really didn't understand much about the doctrine or dogma of the Roman Church. I could, however, sympathize with Catholics when the Pope was shot--I was old enough to understand what that was about.

Later, as I understood more of Catholic doctrine directly, I assumed a bit of a snobbish "I'm not Catholic" stance that I'm ashamed of today. What I didn't understand at the time was that individual faith is just that--individual. While one might worship in a larger church with whose doctrine I disagree, the person's faith is just as individual as mine--and potentially just as vibrant. And while today many look down at the American Catholic church over the pedophilia-scandal that has plagued both individuals and the Roman Church as a whole, I don't think it reflects either individual Catholic believers or the Pope himself. I think it's a microcosm of the evil of sin in our world and what happens when sin is ignored and brushed under the rug. Everyone suffers--the innocents who were hurt, those who have nothing to do with the sin (but share a common faith), and the ones who tried to whitewash what was clearly sin and a crime.

I think everything in JPII's life (at least, that was visible to us through the media) suggested that his faith in Jesus was personal, real, and vibrant. He tried to bring Jesus to many young people and was an ambassador for Christ and for peace everywhere he went. I don't hold to Catholic doctrine any more now than I did 15 years ago in the height of my snobbishness, but I can see Truth where it lies a little more clearly now, and now it doesn't matter nearly as much across which doctrinal lines that Truth walks.

I found myself praying for my Catholic brethren this weekend as they mourned the loss of their leader, and find myself praying that God would appoint His choice for Pope in the weeks ahead. I feel confident that Karol Wojtyla is walking in the presence of Jesus now and would want his successor to love God as much as he did.

Raising Girls in a Sleaze-Filled World

2005-03-21T17:05:00.000-05:00

I read this article and wanted to post it for all to read--my comments are in the next post.

No-Strings Sex
By: MICHAEL CROW LEY

Teen girls are buying into the sleaze we're selling

VALENTINE'S DAY is for losers. Or so think today's high school teens, according to a recent report in The New York Times Magazine. Apparently flowers, chocolates and romance have become about as cool as math class. In fact, forget about dating altogether—these days kids talk about "hooking up" with friends for no-strings sex. It's even become something of a game. One craze is said to involve "sex bracelets," color-coded wristbands that boys snap off girls' wrists. Depending on what color a boy snags, he is "rewarded" with a sexual favor—anything from a kiss to oral sex, and beyond. It's small comfort that schools in Ohio, Illinois and Florida have reportedly banned the bracelets. Elsewhere, schools are busy cracking down on "freak dancing," a raunchy trend where kids bump and grind like they're at a strip club. Here's an even more disturbing twist: Girls are now initiating casual sex, big time.

And our popular culture has been cheering them on. "Sex and the City" was more than a hit TV show; it was an invitation to girls to think of sleeping around as a harmless kick. That was the message also in MTV shows like "The Real World" and "Spring Break," which glorified random encounters of sexually aggressive (and often booze-soaked) young women. Just as shameless was "Girls Gone Wild," a hugely successful video series that features drunken young women, often still in their teens, happily pulling off their clothes—and sometimes performing sex acts—for the camera.

It's no great surprise, then, that a recent study by the RAND Corporation and the University of California found that, for children ages 12 to 17, those who watched a lot of racy TV were twice as likely to start having sexual intercourse as those who watched very little.

Magazines aren't helping matters either. A recent "health quiz" on Seventeen magazine's website asked what you'd do at a dance if "the reggae version of 'Sexual Healing' comes on." One of your choices was: "Break from the girls to go grind with the nearest guy."

A ninth-grade girl in Bethesda, Maryland, says that her friends "are looking at TV shows and magazines that have gotten a lot racier, and they're seeing a new standard." The result is that, among her classmates, "hookups are really casual. There is no emotional connection."

That helps explain why "you hear oral sex is happening an awful lot in middle schools," according to Kay Hymowitz, an expert on girls and sexuality at the Manhattan Institute. How many of those kids are getting the message about STDs? Do they realize gonorrhea is more prevalent among 15- to 19-year-old females than " any other segment of the population? Advertising and marketing complete the onslaught, targeting girls with sexual messages at very young ages. According to Boston College sociology professor Juliet B. Schor, author of Born to Buy, companies have coined a slogan: KAGOY, or "Kids Are Getting Older Younger." A low point in this thinking came a couple of years ago when Abercrombie & Fitch unveiled a line of thong underwear designed for girls ages 10 to 16, imprinted with phrases like "wink, wink" and "eye candy."

Then there's the "Bratz Pack," a currently popular line of dolls that come vamped up in ultra-short skirts and heavy makeup. One Bratz product is a "Secret Date" collection—complete with champagne glasses and other date-night accessories—in which a Bratz girl goes on a blind date with a mystery man. The manufacturers' description says the couple will "slow dance under a full moon, and find themselves getting closer than ever... as they walk the fine line between friendship and love." Sounds like an awfully adult concept, but retailers advertise these dolls for ages 6 and up. What an irresponsible idea to plant in young girls' heads at a time when Internet hookups with strangers are part of every parent's nightmare.

So what can we do? To start, parents can decide if they're part of the problem too. Many of today's parents grew up at a time when sex researchers were questioning traditional taboos. The recent film about the godfather of sex research, Alfred Kinsey, reminds us that this hugely influential man regarded nearly every sexual experience as natural, whether it was sadomasochism or group sex. One legacy of his work is that many of today's parents feel conflicted, worried about their children's sexual experimentation, yet even more worried about seeming judgmental about it.

"You can blame Bratz manufacturers or MTV executives for the sexualization of childhood, but parents have been enablers in the process," says Kay Hymowitz. "Reluctant to say no to their kids, too many parents take a laissez-faire attitude toward their children's emotional and moral development."

Teaching that some things are right and some things are wrong is not the only way parents can make a difference. They can fight back against those who are bombarding kids with sexual messages to make a buck. A group called Dads and Daughters uses its website to organize letter-writing campaigns to companies that use sex to market to young girls. Other groups, like Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and Concerned Women for America are pushing for limits on advertising to kids, and more research into the impact on their lives. Maybe organizations like these should be high on your list for charitable giving or volunteer work.
One way or other, we need to raise our voices and say, "Enough!" If we don't give girls back then-childhood, there's just more trouble ahead for them.

Michael Crowley, a regular columnist for Reader's Digest, is also a senior editor at The New Republic magazine.

Comments on Crowley's Article

2005-03-21T16:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm behind in my reading. I don't actually know a stay-at-home mom who's up to date! ;) Anyhow, when I came across this particular article, I considered it worthy of some extra thought. Although I don't often agree with Michael Crowley's take on life, I wholeheartedly stand with him on this particular topic. He doesn't pose any concrete solutions other than just taking a stand against commercialism and the messages that society on the whole is sending our kids, so that's where I think active parents who disciple their kids in faith can really make a difference.

What we as parents need to do is to teach our children (boys and girls, but for the sake of this post, I'm going to focus on girls) that they are valuable. They are valuable to us, for certain, but more importantly, they are valuable to God. When we bring in an Authority Who is greater than us (as parents), we remind our kids that we submit to God's authority as well, and we respond to His love with obedience and love. When our girls understand how precious they are to us and to God, their self-worth is pumped up a bit. And that increase in self-worth can make a huge difference in how they view themselves and they respond to the messages society sends (e.g., "You're not skinny/pretty enough," "You need XYZ to be happy," "You need to be sexual and alluring to get attention," etc.).

Additionally, I believe we do need to set firm boundaries and reject clearly what the outside influences are trying to teach our kids. If this means turning off the TV, then do it! If it means filtering the magazines that come in our homes, again--do it! There are wholesome choices in television watching and in reading material that will help to maintain our influence in our kids' lives, and I think we need to be seeking out those alternatives. It also requires a massive amount of diligence on our part. We need to be willing to engage our culture, not hide from it. We need to be active parents--willing to sit down with our kids and talk to them about what they've watched on TV (better yet, why not watch it with them?), about what they're reading, and about what messages they're getting at school. I don't think we need to use every opportunity to preach at them--our lives should be a testament to our kids, and we should use these opportunities to listen to what they have to say and then engage them. Challenge them to consider what God has to say about a particular topic and what standards He has for us as His children. Then apply those truths to your life as a parent and encourage your kids to apply them to their lives as well.

Andy Stanley & Reggie Joiner have an amazing teaching series out called "PG: Parental Guidance Required," and it focuses on how to influence your kids (leverage your influence) to strengthen your relationship with them and their relationship with God. I highly recommend the audio series, and I'm told there's now a small-group curriculum available with the same material in it. These are guys who are strongly committed to building Christian families and keeping them strong.

There are no short-term answers to this problem, and I really don't think it's going to get easier as our culture continues to spiral downwards. I do think that we can make a difference in the lives of our girls, but it's a battle that will be won one heart at a time.

2005-03-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

Enough said!

Time Out for Hockey Season Thoughts

2005-03-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

So I'm taking time off from my normal chores today (laundry & other miscellaneous things around the house) to write about hockey. Or rather, the conspicuous LACK thereof this season. If Mike Straka (ala Fox News) can "grrr" about people who cut him off on the highway, then I'm going to take a few minutes to gripe about some adults who are acting more like our 3 year old son.

We (and by "we," I mean all hockey fans) knew at the end of last season that there was probably going to be a strike this year--or rather a "labour dispute," as the Owners phrase it, and "lockout," as the Players' Association calls it. Whatever the word, it has meant an absence of a wintertime sport that overshadows everything in our home once college football ends. Seriously--for a woman, I know this is probably unheard of--I track the standings, the points, the goals averaged, and everything else that affects my precious Red Wings' standing in the Central Division. I love the sport. And don't start thinking that I love violence, because any *true* hockey fan will tell you that it's not the fighting they long to see--that simply slows the game down and becomes a distraction. It's the speed, the finesse of puck-handling, and the genuine Slinky the goalies have for spines that interest those of us who are true fans.

Many people aren't aware of what brought this about--the strike, that is. The players association didn't want a salary cap, but the owners did. That's the short version. On the whole, the NHL players are NOT overpaid like the NBA or any number of baseball players. As an example, Brendan Shanahan, LW for the Detroit Red Wings and co-captain of the team, signed a contract 2 years back for 8 million dollars. I believe the length of the contract was 3 yrs. That's a heck of a lot more money than I could imagine, but in my opinion, the man earns it. And it's not like A-Rod's contract that left him with nearly more money than God for a few years' work--far from it.

Ordinarily, a salary-cap isn't a bad idea for professional sports, or so goes the argument. "Look what it did for the NFL," critics claim. But there's more to this story than just a salary cap--at the heart of the salary cap is one immensely irresponsible man who has an ego the size of the Jolly Green Giant. Yep, you guessed it--Gary Bettman. Bettman, the commissioner of the NHL, who came to the sport from the NBA. The man who professed to know *nothing* about hockey, but promised to make it as big as professional basketball. He placed expansion teams all over the US, in areas that don't know the meaning of snow or ice, unless it's something they chip out of their freezers when they defrost them. Regions of the country that are more enamoured with NASCAR than hockey--and who have never laced up a pair of ice skates. I've got nothing against Tampa Bay, but COME ON! Like Tampa Bay knows what a *winter sport* is? What about the Carolina Hurricanes? Fine--pick a natural disaster this coastal region is familiar with, but they still don't know winter! I firmly believe that while these are fine southern cities, the expansion teams they host have been the downfall of this season and are at the heart of the dispute this year.

Think about it this way: hockey is a "northern sport." It's played on *ice* and during the *winter*. The fans are typically people who either played hockey as kids, grew up rooting for pee-wee teams, or who have been born & bred in to the sport. What about Canada--like there's anything else to do during the winter? (And don't suggest that curling is a reasonable replacement!) Detroit, Boston, Minnesota, New York--these are cities that have had and continue to have successful franchises. Arizona? Dallas? Nashville? These franchises, while hosting good players, are "Exhibit A" of why Gary Bettman's expansion philosophy is a dismal failure. Bettman encourages these expansion teams, and the cities he approaches think, "Hey--don't know much about the sport, but think about the tax revenue we could have from food & trinket sales, not to mention the added parking tickets on game nights!" So they sign on. The league grows--but at what cost? The expansion teams in southern cities simply don't have fan-base for support. Now the franchises that aren't as successful as the Red Wings or the Rangers, for example, are costing the owners millions of dollars, and the only way out is to shout "salary cap"!

And the last word at the end of the official season (or what should have been the start of the post-season playoffs) was that the two sides were "very close"--only $7 million apart. $7M keeping us from enjoying the sport that should never have had a labour dispute. That sort of money is chump change to the owners! And yet they still can't seem to find a way to pull this together and get on with it so we can at least have hockey next year.

One final word before I go back to folding laundry today: Mike Ilitch, owner of the Detroit Red Wings, is a stand-up guy. He's always been one to open the checkbook and pay a good player what he was worth. Now, Ilitch has taken the lead and purchased a full-page ad in both the Detroit Free Press & Detroit News, *apologizing* for the lack of hockey this year and thanking the fans for their loyalty. A situation that was beyond his control, but yet he seems to understand how much we Red Wings fans have missed our team and have wanted this dumb strike to be over. So kudos to you, Mike. You seem to really understand what lies in the beating heart of this Wings fan--a passion for the sport.

If you want to read the AP article about Ilitch's (Mike & Marian's) ad, here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/6s7zw .

Okay, the buzzing I hear isn't the end of the first period, it's the washer & dryer. Over & out!

Our little "vroom-vroom" driver! :)

2005-03-12T18:25:00.000-05:00

Our little "vroom-vroom" driver! :)

A Mother's Heart--opening post!

2005-03-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

Geez...if this isn't the epitome of a blank slate! As I sit here faced with a blank screen and unlimited words to express my mind and heart, I literally have no idea what to write! And then the voice of doubt reaches in and asks the inevitable: "Who's gonna read it anyway?" Ah well....such is the life of one who writes, who has so many words in her head and decides to take the plunge by starting a blog. ;)

So what is this blog about? My musings, mostly. I'm a stay-at-home mom to a 3-year old son (cute as a bug and quite precocious, I might add), wife to my husband for nearly 10 years now, and in the middle of an international paperchase for our daughter, who will join our family from China. [That last part (the paperchase) is taking far too long for my tastes, but this is afterall, one of God's doings, not mine. So I'll have to be content to wait upon His provision and His timing. Doesn't mean I'm particularly good at it, just that this is my lot at this stage in my life. ;) ] I'm frugal by choice and necessity these days (have you looked at the cost of adoption recently??), so I know all the good deals at the local stores and how to not spend too much on groceries and other sundries. I run a Yahoo group for other adoptive moms where we share our lives and celebrate (and cry!) with each other, and I'm actively involved in our church.

Speaking of our church, we recently planted a new congregation in our little town. Nicholasville has a population of slightly less than 20,000, and there are 87 (count 'em!) churches in our county. Now the county is slightly larger (population-wise) than our city. Out of those 87 churches, 75 of them have a membership of 50 or less. That leaves a very large segment of our community disenfranchised and either seeking spiritual community elsewhere or not seeking it at all. Many of our fellow Jessamine-countians have decided that church is largely irrelevant and that God is Someone Who just doesn't care about their circumstances. The sad thing is that The Church (as a whole) has created the idea of irrelevancy as we've confused form and tradition with theology and decided to maintain a 'separate and UNequal' position in daily life. So this church (Generations) has decided to take that bull by the horns and try to impact our community with a dedication to both the Gospel and cultural relevance. So far, so good. We have a family worship experience called KidStuf on a weekly basis that includes drama, music, dancing, and multi-media experiences, and then we've got a small-group setting for kids (G'Town & The Park) as the adults have their own worship and teaching experience. It's a very different paradigm, and one that's not for everyone, but we're very upfront about all of that. If we're not your flavour, we can direct you to any number of congregations in the community that might be a perfect fit for you. It's much more important to us that you have a personal understanding of the love God has for you and how He desires to be a part of your life than swelling our membership ranks.

The ultimate goal of our church is to raise kids and families who love God and spend time with each other. That will probably be a major theme of my blog as I consider the goings-on in our home and am amazed at the growth of our son. My goal as a mom is to raise respectful, confident children who love God and care for other people. Sometimes I fail miserably as I consider our end-goal. Other times, I know we must be doing something right....so I'll be sharing both failures and successes along the way. I sincerely hope to have more successes than failures, but as there are no guarantees in life, there are even fewer in parenting. ;0

So here ends the first post of A Mother's Heart....this is what's on my heart today, and as there are more things on my agenda that can't be accomplished from the keyboard, I've gotta run. God bless you as you travel through your day! :)