Raising Girls in a Sleaze-Filled World

I read this article and wanted to post it for all to read--my comments are in the next post.



No-Strings Sex
By: MICHAEL CROW LEY

Teen girls are buying into the sleaze we're selling

VALENTINE'S DAY is for losers. Or so think today's high school teens, accord­ing to a recent report in The New York Times Magazine. Ap­parently flowers, chocolates and romance have become about as cool as math class. In fact, forget about dating altogether—these days kids talk about "hooking up" with friends for no-strings sex. It's even become something of a game. One craze is said to involve "sex bracelets," color-coded wristbands that boys snap off girls' wrists. Depending on what color a boy snags, he is "re­warded" with a sexual favor—any­thing from a kiss to oral sex, and beyond. It's small comfort that schools in Ohio, Illinois and Florida have reportedly banned the bracelets. Elsewhere, schools are busy cracking down on "freak dancing," a raunchy trend where kids bump and grind like they're at a strip club. Here's an even more disturb­ing twist: Girls are now ini­tiating casual sex, big time.

And our popular culture has been cheering them on. "Sex and the City" was more than a hit TV show; it was an invitation to girls to think of sleeping around as a harmless kick. That was the message also in MTV shows like "The Real World" and "Spring Break," which glorified random encounters of sexually aggressive (and often booze-soaked) young women. Just as shameless was "Girls Gone Wild," a hugely successful video se­ries that features drunken young women, often still in their teens, happily pulling off their clothes—and sometimes performing sex acts—for the camera.

It's no great surprise, then, that a recent study by the RAND Corpor­ation and the University of Califor­nia found that, for children ages 12 to 17, those who watched a lot of racy TV were twice as likely to start having sexual intercourse as those who watched very little.

Magazines aren't helping matters either. A recent "health quiz" on Seventeen magazine's website asked what you'd do at a dance if "the reg­gae version of 'Sexual Healing' comes on." One of your choices was: "Break from the girls to go grind with the nearest guy."

A ninth-grade girl in Bethesda, Maryland, says that her friends "are looking at TV shows and maga­zines that have gotten a lot racier, and they're seeing a new standard." The result is that, among her class­mates, "hookups are really casual. There is no emotional connection."

That helps explain why "you hear oral sex is happening an awful lot in middle schools," according to Kay Hymowitz, an expert on girls and sexuality at the Manhattan In­stitute. How many of those kids are getting the message about STDs? Do they realize gonorrhea is more prevalent among 15- to 19-year-old females than " any other segment of the population? Advertising and market­ing complete the on­slaught, targeting girls with sexual messages at very young ages. Accord­ing to Boston College sociology professor Juliet B. Schor, author of Born to Buy, companies have coined a slogan: KAGOY, or "Kids Are Get­ting Older Younger." A low point in this thinking came a couple of years ago when Abercrombie & Fitch unveiled a line of thong underwear designed for girls ages 10 to 16, im­printed with phrases like "wink, wink" and "eye candy."


Then there's the "Bratz Pack," a currently popular line of dolls that come vamped up in ultra-short skirts and heavy makeup. One Bratz product is a "Secret Date" collec­tion—complete with champagne glasses and other date-night acces­sories—in which a Bratz girl goes on a blind date with a mystery man. The manufacturers' description says the couple will "slow dance under a full moon, and find themselves get­ting closer than ever... as they walk the fine line between friendship and love." Sounds like an awfully adult concept, but retailers advertise these dolls for ages 6 and up. What an irresponsible idea to plant in young girls' heads at a time when Internet hookups with strangers are part of every parent's nightmare.

So what can we do? To start, par­ents can decide if they're part of the problem too. Many of today's par­ents grew up at a time when sex researchers were questioning tradi­tional taboos. The recent film about the godfather of sex research, Alfred Kinsey, reminds us that this hugely influential man regarded nearly every sexual experience as natural, whether it was sadomasochism or group sex. One legacy of his work is that many of today's parents feel conflicted, worried about their chil­dren's sexual experimentation, yet even more worried about seeming judgmental about it.

"You can blame Bratz manufac­turers or MTV executives for the sexualization of childhood, but par­ents have been enablers in the process," says Kay Hymowitz. "Reluctant to say no to their kids, too many parents take a laissez-faire at­titude toward their children's emo­tional and moral development."

Teaching that some things are right and some things are wrong is not the only way parents can make a difference. They can fight back against those who are bombarding kids with sexual messages to make a buck. A group called Dads and Daughters uses its website to organ­ize letter-writing campaigns to companies that use sex to market to young girls. Other groups, like Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and Concerned Women for America are pushing for limits on advertising to kids, and more research into the impact on their lives. Maybe organizations like these should be high on your list for char­itable giving or volunteer work.
One way or other, we need to raise our voices and say, "Enough!" If we don't give girls back then-childhood, there's just more trouble ahead for them.

Michael Crowley, a regular columnist for Reader's Digest, is also a senior editor at The New Republic magazine.

Comments on Crowley's Article

Okay, I'm behind in my reading. I don't actually know a stay-at-home mom who's up to date! ;) Anyhow, when I came across this particular article, I considered it worthy of some extra thought. Although I don't often agree with Michael Crowley's take on life, I wholeheartedly stand with him on this particular topic. He doesn't pose any concrete solutions other than just taking a stand against commercialism and the messages that society on the whole is sending our kids, so that's where I think active parents who disciple their kids in faith can really make a difference.

What we as parents need to do is to teach our children (boys and girls, but for the sake of this post, I'm going to focus on girls) that they are valuable. They are valuable to us, for certain, but more importantly, they are valuable to God. When we bring in an Authority Who is greater than us (as parents), we remind our kids that we submit to God's authority as well, and we respond to His love with obedience and love. When our girls understand how precious they are to us and to God, their self-worth is pumped up a bit. And that increase in self-worth can make a huge difference in how they view themselves and they respond to the messages society sends (e.g., "You're not skinny/pretty enough," "You need XYZ to be happy," "You need to be sexual and alluring to get attention," etc.).

Additionally, I believe we do need to set firm boundaries and reject clearly what the outside influences are trying to teach our kids. If this means turning off the TV, then do it! If it means filtering the magazines that come in our homes, again--do it! There are wholesome choices in television watching and in reading material that will help to maintain our influence in our kids' lives, and I think we need to be seeking out those alternatives. It also requires a massive amount of diligence on our part. We need to be willing to engage our culture, not hide from it. We need to be active parents--willing to sit down with our kids and talk to them about what they've watched on TV (better yet, why not watch it with them?), about what they're reading, and about what messages they're getting at school. I don't think we need to use every opportunity to preach at them--our lives should be a testament to our kids, and we should use these opportunities to listen to what they have to say and then engage them. Challenge them to consider what God has to say about a particular topic and what standards He has for us as His children. Then apply those truths to your life as a parent and encourage your kids to apply them to their lives as well.

Andy Stanley & Reggie Joiner have an amazing teaching series out called "PG: Parental Guidance Required," and it focuses on how to influence your kids (leverage your influence) to strengthen your relationship with them and their relationship with God. I highly recommend the audio series, and I'm told there's now a small-group curriculum available with the same material in it. These are guys who are strongly committed to building Christian families and keeping them strong.

There are no short-term answers to this problem, and I really don't think it's going to get easier as our culture continues to spiral downwards. I do think that we can make a difference in the lives of our girls, but it's a battle that will be won one heart at a time.

Enough said!

Time Out for Hockey Season Thoughts

So I'm taking time off from my normal chores today (laundry & other miscellaneous things around the house) to write about hockey. Or rather, the conspicuous LACK thereof this season. If Mike Straka (ala Fox News) can "grrr" about people who cut him off on the highway, then I'm going to take a few minutes to gripe about some adults who are acting more like our 3 year old son.

We (and by "we," I mean all hockey fans) knew at the end of last season that there was probably going to be a strike this year--or rather a "labour dispute," as the Owners phrase it, and "lockout," as the Players' Association calls it. Whatever the word, it has meant an absence of a wintertime sport that overshadows everything in our home once college football ends. Seriously--for a woman, I know this is probably unheard of--I track the standings, the points, the goals averaged, and everything else that affects my precious Red Wings' standing in the Central Division. I love the sport. And don't start thinking that I love violence, because any *true* hockey fan will tell you that it's not the fighting they long to see--that simply slows the game down and becomes a distraction. It's the speed, the finesse of puck-handling, and the genuine Slinky the goalies have for spines that interest those of us who are true fans.

Many people aren't aware of what brought this about--the strike, that is. The players association didn't want a salary cap, but the owners did. That's the short version. On the whole, the NHL players are NOT overpaid like the NBA or any number of baseball players. As an example, Brendan Shanahan, LW for the Detroit Red Wings and co-captain of the team, signed a contract 2 years back for 8 million dollars. I believe the length of the contract was 3 yrs. That's a heck of a lot more money than I could imagine, but in my opinion, the man earns it. And it's not like A-Rod's contract that left him with nearly more money than God for a few years' work--far from it.

Ordinarily, a salary-cap isn't a bad idea for professional sports, or so goes the argument. "Look what it did for the NFL," critics claim. But there's more to this story than just a salary cap--at the heart of the salary cap is one immensely irresponsible man who has an ego the size of the Jolly Green Giant. Yep, you guessed it--Gary Bettman. Bettman, the commissioner of the NHL, who came to the sport from the NBA. The man who professed to know *nothing* about hockey, but promised to make it as big as professional basketball. He placed expansion teams all over the US, in areas that don't know the meaning of snow or ice, unless it's something they chip out of their freezers when they defrost them. Regions of the country that are more enamoured with NASCAR than hockey--and who have never laced up a pair of ice skates. I've got nothing against Tampa Bay, but COME ON! Like Tampa Bay knows what a *winter sport* is? What about the Carolina Hurricanes? Fine--pick a natural disaster this coastal region is familiar with, but they still don't know winter! I firmly believe that while these are fine southern cities, the expansion teams they host have been the downfall of this season and are at the heart of the dispute this year.

Think about it this way: hockey is a "northern sport." It's played on *ice* and during the *winter*. The fans are typically people who either played hockey as kids, grew up rooting for pee-wee teams, or who have been born & bred in to the sport. What about Canada--like there's anything else to do during the winter? (And don't suggest that curling is a reasonable replacement!) Detroit, Boston, Minnesota, New York--these are cities that have had and continue to have successful franchises. Arizona? Dallas? Nashville? These franchises, while hosting good players, are "Exhibit A" of why Gary Bettman's expansion philosophy is a dismal failure. Bettman encourages these expansion teams, and the cities he approaches think, "Hey--don't know much about the sport, but think about the tax revenue we could have from food & trinket sales, not to mention the added parking tickets on game nights!" So they sign on. The league grows--but at what cost? The expansion teams in southern cities simply don't have fan-base for support. Now the franchises that aren't as successful as the Red Wings or the Rangers, for example, are costing the owners millions of dollars, and the only way out is to shout "salary cap"!

And the last word at the end of the official season (or what should have been the start of the post-season playoffs) was that the two sides were "very close"--only $7 million apart. $7M keeping us from enjoying the sport that should never have had a labour dispute. That sort of money is chump change to the owners! And yet they still can't seem to find a way to pull this together and get on with it so we can at least have hockey next year.

One final word before I go back to folding laundry today: Mike Ilitch, owner of the Detroit Red Wings, is a stand-up guy. He's always been one to open the checkbook and pay a good player what he was worth. Now, Ilitch has taken the lead and purchased a full-page ad in both the Detroit Free Press & Detroit News, *apologizing* for the lack of hockey this year and thanking the fans for their loyalty. A situation that was beyond his control, but yet he seems to understand how much we Red Wings fans have missed our team and have wanted this dumb strike to be over. So kudos to you, Mike. You seem to really understand what lies in the beating heart of this Wings fan--a passion for the sport.

If you want to read the AP article about Ilitch's (Mike & Marian's) ad, here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/6s7zw .

Okay, the buzzing I hear isn't the end of the first period, it's the washer & dryer. Over & out!

Our little "vroom-vroom" driver! :)

Our little "vroom-vroom" driver! :)

A Mother's Heart--opening post!

Geez...if this isn't the epitome of a blank slate! As I sit here faced with a blank screen and unlimited words to express my mind and heart, I literally have no idea what to write! And then the voice of doubt reaches in and asks the inevitable: "Who's gonna read it anyway?" Ah well....such is the life of one who writes, who has so many words in her head and decides to take the plunge by starting a blog. ;)

So what is this blog about? My musings, mostly. I'm a stay-at-home mom to a 3-year old son (cute as a bug and quite precocious, I might add), wife to my husband for nearly 10 years now, and in the middle of an international paperchase for our daughter, who will join our family from China. [That last part (the paperchase) is taking far too long for my tastes, but this is afterall, one of God's doings, not mine. So I'll have to be content to wait upon His provision and His timing. Doesn't mean I'm particularly good at it, just that this is my lot at this stage in my life. ;) ] I'm frugal by choice and necessity these days (have you looked at the cost of adoption recently??), so I know all the good deals at the local stores and how to not spend too much on groceries and other sundries. I run a Yahoo group for other adoptive moms where we share our lives and celebrate (and cry!) with each other, and I'm actively involved in our church.

Speaking of our church, we recently planted a new congregation in our little town. Nicholasville has a population of slightly less than 20,000, and there are 87 (count 'em!) churches in our county. Now the county is slightly larger (population-wise) than our city. Out of those 87 churches, 75 of them have a membership of 50 or less. That leaves a very large segment of our community disenfranchised and either seeking spiritual community elsewhere or not seeking it at all. Many of our fellow Jessamine-countians have decided that church is largely irrelevant and that God is Someone Who just doesn't care about their circumstances. The sad thing is that The Church (as a whole) has created the idea of irrelevancy as we've confused form and tradition with theology and decided to maintain a 'separate and UNequal' position in daily life. So this church (Generations) has decided to take that bull by the horns and try to impact our community with a dedication to both the Gospel and cultural relevance. So far, so good. We have a family worship experience called KidStuf on a weekly basis that includes drama, music, dancing, and multi-media experiences, and then we've got a small-group setting for kids (G'Town & The Park) as the adults have their own worship and teaching experience. It's a very different paradigm, and one that's not for everyone, but we're very upfront about all of that. If we're not your flavour, we can direct you to any number of congregations in the community that might be a perfect fit for you. It's much more important to us that you have a personal understanding of the love God has for you and how He desires to be a part of your life than swelling our membership ranks.

The ultimate goal of our church is to raise kids and families who love God and spend time with each other. That will probably be a major theme of my blog as I consider the goings-on in our home and am amazed at the growth of our son. My goal as a mom is to raise respectful, confident children who love God and care for other people. Sometimes I fail miserably as I consider our end-goal. Other times, I know we must be doing something right....so I'll be sharing both failures and successes along the way. I sincerely hope to have more successes than failures, but as there are no guarantees in life, there are even fewer in parenting. ;0

So here ends the first post of A Mother's Heart....this is what's on my heart today, and as there are more things on my agenda that can't be accomplished from the keyboard, I've gotta run. God bless you as you travel through your day! :)